| Copyright 2005-2007 Jad Khalaf. All Rights Reserved |
| Copyright 2005-2007 Jad Khalaf. All Rights Reserved |
| "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." II Timothy 2:15 |
| Dr. Jad Khalaf |
"THE CHRISTIAN MAN AND WOMAN WHO ARE READY FOR MARRIAGE TO HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING
OF THE OLD TESTAMENT AND NEW TESTAMENT’S LOVE STORY SO THAT THEY EACH MAY
POSSESS THEIR RESPECTIVE CHARACTERISTICS"
By
Jad J. Khalaf
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION 1
Research Problem 1
Delimitations 2
Summary of Each Chapter 3
GOD: THE AUTHOR OF THE LOVE STORY 4
Old Testament 4
New Testament: 400 Hundred Year Silence Broken 7
Believe in the Person Jesus Christ 8
Christ: Noun and Verb 10
To Know Christ 10
Relationship With God and the Bible 11
The Fruit of the Spirit 12
Love 13
Joy 14
Peace 15
Longsuffering 15
Gentleness 16
Goodness 17
Faith 18
Meekness 19
Temperance 19
Interwoven Together 20
Summary 21
GOD: SEX, MARRIAGE, AND COMMITMENT 23
God’s View of Sex 23
God’s View of Marriage 25
Commitment 27
Summary 28
THE CHRISTIAN MAN’S CHARACTERISTICS BEFORE SAYING “I DO” 29
Relationship With God, Bible, and Fruit of the Spirit 29
Be the Christ-Built Warrior 30
Protect the Covenant Life Within 30
Artillery for Fighting the Enemy 31
Be the Man of Integrity 32
Be the Man With Pure Thoughts 33
Be the Man of Proper Authority 34
Be the Man of Obedience 35
Be the “H.O.T.” Man 36
Holy 36
Outrageous 37
Trustworthy 38
Lessons to Learn from the Israelites 38
Summary 39
THE CHRISTIAN WOMAN’S CHARACTERISTICS BEFORE SAYING “I DO” 41
Relationship With God, Bible, and Fruit of the Spirit 41
Be the Set Apart Woman in Heart 41
Be the Pride-less Woman 42
Be the Woman Willing to Serve 43
Be the Woman of Proper Authority 43
Be the “H.O.T.” Woman 44
Holy 44
Outrageous 45
Trustworthy 46
Lessons to Learn From the Israelites 47
Summary 48
CONCLUSION 50
BIBLIOGRAPHY 51
INTRODUCTION
God is the Author of the Bible and of the Love Story. The first book of the Bible, Genesis, begins with God
creating the light, plants, earth, man, and love. The entire Old Testament and New Testament is God’s
love story to mankind.
The Christian man and the Christian woman that is engaged for marriage need to have an understanding
of the Old Testament, New Testament, salvation only through Jesus, viewing Christ as a noun and verb,
and exactly what is the fruit of the Spirit. This will assist in helping the Christian man understand some
important characteristics he should possess before saying “I Do.” Likewise, this will assist in helping the
Christian woman understand some important characteristics she should possess before saying “I Do.”
Marriage is serious and should seriously be considered before entered. Only the Author of Love can
provide the necessary characteristics that can make a soon-to-be Godly husband and wife.
Research Problem
The research problem in this paper will focus on the Christian man and woman who are ready for marriage
to have an understanding of the Old Testament and New Testament’s love story so that they each may
possess their respective characteristics. What is the Old Testament about? Did the covenant between
God and the children of Israel mean anything? Was God faithful? Who rebelled? Does God keep His
promise? Why the four hundred year silence? What broke the silence? Has Jesus Christ always
existed? Is a relationship with Jesus really necessary? What is truth all about? Can Jesus be viewed only
as a noun? Verb? Both? Neither?
What are the fruit of the Spirit? Or is it fruits of the Spirit? What is God’s view of sex? Marriage? Why is
His view important? Do the husband and wife in a Christian marriage have specific roles? Who is the
head of whom? What are some characteristics of the Christian man? The Christian woman? Can any
lessons be learned from the Israelites of the Old Testament? These questions will be explored in further
detail throughout the paper.
Delimitations
In an attempt to provide insight into the research problem, this paper limited its scope to providing
research in the area of the Old Testament, New Testament, characteristics of the Christian man, and
characteristics of the Christian woman. Only authors that have written in those areas were considered as
research material.
Summary of Each Chapter
The first chapter explores God as the Author of the love story. Chapter two examines God’s view of sex,
marriage, and commitment. The third chapter looks at the Christian man’s characteristics before saying “I
Do” and some lessons learned from the Israelites. Chapter four provides some of the Christian woman’s
characteristics before saying “I Do” and some lessons learned from the Israelites. The fifth chapter
provides a conclusion of the paper.
CHAPTER 1
GOD: THE AUTHOR OF THE LOVE STORY
God is love (1 John 4:8). Before time began, God designed a plan to reveal His love to mankind. The
human writers of each book of the Bible were divinely inspired by God to pen the words (2 Timothy 3:16).
Genesis through Revelation is a collection of letters, parables, songs, biographies, and stories since the
creation of time. The end result is God’s love story to mankind.
Old Testament
The Old Testament is about God selecting the nation of Israel as His chosen people (Deuteronomy 7:6, 14:
2). Israel was chosen because God loved them (Deuteronomy 7:7-8, 26:19). He made a covenant with
them (Deuteronomy 5:2-3; 29:1-29). The covenant symbolized a marriage between God and Israel
forever (2 Samuel 7:24). The marriage vows were as follows: Obey the Lord and abide by the Ten
Commandments (Exodus 20). God said “I Do” and Israel said “I Do.” God vowed to be faithful to His
covenant (2 Kings 13:23; Ezekiel 16:60-62). The Israelites vowed to willingly and faithfully obey the
covenant (Deuteronomy 29:10-15; Joshua 24:25; 2 Chronicles 15:12).
God took great joy in His Bride, the children of Israel (Isaiah 44:1-2). Israel proved to be an unfaithful
bride. They spent hundreds of years in Egyptian bondage because of their unfaithfulness (Exodus 6:9, 12:
40-41). God remembered His marriage vows and brought Israel out of bondage (Exodus 2:23-25). They
turned back to God for a short period and then rebelled again while wandering in the wilderness (Exodus
14:11-12; Numbers 14:3-4; Nehemiah 9:16-17). For forty years they wandered in the wilderness (Joshua
5:6). God allowed Israel to enter the Promised Land (Joshua 4:19-24). The twelve tribes of Israel claimed
their land. The people remained faithful to God for a time (Judges 2:6-7).
The judges ruled Israel for four hundred and fifty years (Acts 13:20). The time of the judges was a time
that the children of Israel did what was right in their eyes. They had forgotten about their marriage to
God. The Israelites played the harlot with other gods (Judges 2:10, 17:6, 21:25).
The children of Israel finally declared their need for a king (1 Samuel 8:4-5, 12:12-13). The prophet
Samuel told the people that they are rebelling against God by demanding a king (1 Samuel 8). Saul,
David, and other reigned as king of Israel for hundreds of years. God still remained faithful to His
covenant. He promised king David that his seed would be established forever (2 Samuel 7:12-13; Psalm
89:3-4, 29, 36-37). The twelve tribes of Israel were split after king David’s death (1 Kings 11:12-13, 29-
34). The spilt resulted in a king reigning over Judah and a king reining over the remaining tribes of Israel
(1 Kings 12:12-20). King after king fought with each other, the Israelites followed other gods, and the two
separate kingdoms were unfaithful to their covenant with God. Finally God sent the Israelites into
Babylonian captivity (Isaiah 39:6; Jeremiah 25:8-9; Hosea 5:9; Amos 9:4). For seventy years, the land of
Israel was desolate and the Israelites were in captivity (Jeremiah 25:11-12, 29:10-11).
Cyrus, king of Persia, was used by God to send the Israelites back home to Israel (2 Chronicles 36:22-
23). God still remembered His covenant, though the Israelites were unfaithful. God told Israel that the
nation will return to their homeland, they shall be stable, strong, holy, acknowledged, and prosper once
again (2 Chronicles 33:8; Isaiah 52:1-6, 65:8-10; Amos 9:14; Ezekiel 36:8-12, 33-38, 39:21-28).
The Israelites made their way back to Palestine (Ezra 2:64-67; Nehemiah 7:66-69). The altar was built,
materials for the Temple were collected, and the rebuilding of Palestine was underway (Ezra 2:68-70, 3:1-
7, 5:2). Nehemiah entered Palestine and set up his administration (Nehemiah 1:1-4). Ezra was sent by
God to teach the people (Ezra 7:6-9). Nehemiah and Ezra worked to restore the religious and physical
aspects of the Israelites (Nehemiah 8:1-18, 9:1-15). The wall of Jerusalem and the Temple were rebuilt
(Ezra 6:14; Nehemiah 6:15).
For four hundred years after Malachi, the Word of the Lord was silent. The nation of Israel have
disobeyed God and turned their backs on Him. Once again the Israelites went a whoring after selfishness
and other gods.
New Testament: 400 Hundred Year Silence Broken
The promise that God would one day send the Messiah would be fulfilled in the New Testament. For
hundreds of years, the Israelites kept looking for the fulfillment of the promise. John the Baptist broke the
four hundred year silence between the books of Malachi and Matthew, as foretold by Isaiah and Malachi
(Isaiah 40:3-5; Malachi 4:5). John the Baptist was the voice of one crying in the wilderness, “Prepare ye
the way of the Lord” (Matthew 3:3, 11:10, 14).
God remembered His covenant with the children of Israel. He sent His only Son Jesus Christ to the earth.
The promise made to king David was kept. The book of Matthew traces Jesus’ genealogy through His
mother Mary back to king David. The book of Luke traces Jesus’ genealogy through Joseph back to
Adam. Though Luke goes back to Adam, king David is among those listed in the genealogy. God kept
His promise.
No longer were the children of Israel the only nation God desired to have a relationship with. The New
Testament brought about a new covenant that would be established with the precious blood of Jesus
Christ (John 3:16). The Jew and the Gentile would have the opportunity to enter into a covenant with God
through Jesus Christ (Romans 2:10).
Believe in the Person Jesus Christ
G. K. Chesterton said, “The only two things that can satisfy the soul are a person and a story; and even a
story must be about a person.” Jesus Christ has been in existence from the beginning. He is described
as the Word that was made flesh and dwelt among mankind (John 1). Logos means, “that which enables
you to be in relationship with another.”
God loved the world so much that He sent His only begotten Son Jesus Christ (John 3:16). Jesus Christ
was born of a virgin (Luke 1:26-2:20). He dwelt on earth and lived a sinless life (1 John 3:5). God’s
salvation plan included Jesus taking on the sin of every man, woman, child, young person, teenager, and
anyone else who has lived or will ever live (Romans 5:8-9). Christ fulfilled His Father’s will by willingly
sacrificing His life on a cruel cross (Hebrews 10:1-18). The blood of Christ was shed for all. He died on
the cross and was laid in a borrowed tomb (John 19:38-42). On the third day, Jesus arose from the dead
(John 20:1-10). He ascended to Heaven and sits at the right hand of God (Mark 16:19; Colossians 3:1).
A sinner can have a relationship with God through accepting Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior.
Jesus gives abundant life (John 10:10). The only way to experience abundant life is to accept Christ as
the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6-7). Unless a sinner accepts Christ, then he cannot know God
the Father.
Truth is not about rules and regulations. Truth is about a relationship with Jesus. An individual must
recognize that he or she is a sinner in need of Jesus the Savior (Romans 3:23). A sinner must realize that
the penalty of sin is death and separation from God (Romans 6:23a). God’s gift of salvation through
accepting Jesus Christ is eternal life (Romans 6:23b). The apostle Paul wrote in Romans 10, “(9) That if
thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him
from the dead, thou shalt be saved. (10) For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with
the mouth confession is made unto salvation. (13) For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord
shall be saved.” An individual who accepts Jesus Christ as personal Lord and Savior is referred to as a
Christian.
Christ: Noun and Verb
An individual may view Christ as a noun. He may say, “I am an intellectual and intelligent person. I can
comprehend that Christ is good.” Another individual may view Christ simply as a verb. This person may
say, “I believe Jesus is alive and active in the flesh.” Christ should be seen as a noun and a verb in an
individual’s life. An individual that sees Christ as both a noun and a verb experiences and embraces
Christ. Psalm 34:8 says, “O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in
him.”
To Know Christ
The apostle Paul declared that he lived to know Christ and Him crucified (1 Corinthians 2:2). An individual
that gives his or her life to Christ must live to know Christ and Him crucified (Philippians 1:21). One way to
know Christ is to read the Bible. The Bible is to be read, studied and understood. A Christian is to allow
his or her life to reflect the Bible by living out their faith. The apostle Paul instructed Timothy, “Study to
shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of
truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). Timothy was instructed to not only study the Word of God but to be a workman
that can discern the truth. A workman is putting the studying to action in his life.
Relationship With God and the Bible
A Christian cannot have a relationship with God without having a relationship with the Bible. The Bible is
God’s love letter to man. His love letter reveals to a Christian the way to live, act, talk, walk, think, and
respond. The Bible also convicts, corrects, and reproofs. The apostle Paul told Timothy, “(16) All
scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for
instruction in righteousness: (17) That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good
works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
A Christian that has a relationship with Jesus will have a desire to grow in his faith. Daily growth allows a
Christian to be more like Christ. The relationship a Christian has with Christ will strengthen and deepen.
A Christian does not need to get bogged down with reading the Bible as a scientific textbook, a question
and answer book, a book with great stories, or a dogmatic dictionary. The Bible is not out-dated or old-
fashioned. John Eldredge says, “We must return to the Scriptures for the story that it is and stop
approaching it as if is an encyclopedia, looking for ‘tips and techniques.’”
The Bible is about the greatest love story that will ever exist. The love story is God’s desire to enter into a
relationship with every single person through His Son Jesus Christ. God is the Author of the Love Story.
He is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the end, and the Groomsman waiting to come get His
bride the Church (Revelation 21:1-6, 22:17-21).
The Fruit of the Spirit
The Author of the Love Story wants total control of each individual that desires to enter into marriage. A
Christian male and female involved in a relationship that is heading towards marriage need to each live
out their faith by reading the Bible. The result of a Christian who is willing to follow Christ, read the Bible,
and live out their faith is the Fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23, “(22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love,
joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, (23) Meekness, temperance: against such there is
no law.”
The apostle Paul does not use the word “fruits” but uses the word “fruit.” A Christian who lives life
according to the Bible will bear fruit (John 15:4, 8). Fruit is able to grow only when the conditions are
suitable. The Holy Spirit must be at work in a Christian’s life. Once the Holy Spirit is at work, then the fruit
will be rooted and grounded in a fertile life. The fruit contains several characteristics.
Love
Paul is describing genuine, selfless love. Selfless love portrays the love that Jesus demonstrated by
laying down His life for the sin of every individual (John 15:13). The sacrifice Jesus made exemplifies
perfect love.
A Christian that portrays genuine, selfless love will have removed self from the throne (Matthew 6:24).
Each day a Christian must deny self, take up their cross, and follow Christ (Luke 9:23). Sincerely and
whole-heartedly chose to love Christ. This will allow a Christian to love others as themselves (2
Corinthians 8:8).
The greatest gift a Christian can display to another person is love. Love is unconditional (1 John 4:7-10).
Love as Christ would love. A Christian that follows Christ, will demonstrate love.
Joy
Authentic faith in Christ produces joy in a Christian’s life. The joy is not shallow. A Christian’s joy in life is
rooted in Christ. Life may bring trials, persecutions, and unexpected interruptions. The joy will prevail
throughout life.
Real joy is not based on the feelings of each situation. The apostle Paul knew real joy. He joyfully sang in
jail (Acts 16:16-40). He encouraged each Christian to always rejoice in the Lord (Philippians 4:4; 1
Thessalonians 5:16). A Christian has a reason to be joyful. Christ saved them from their sin and dwells in
their heart and life. Allow the world to see the joy of God’s salvation (Psalm 51:12).
Peace
The apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians, “(7) And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding,
shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). Only a Christian who is living a
life that is pleasing to Christ can experience peace. Peace is rest in Christ. Just like joy, peace is not
based on feelings of any given situation.
No one can take away the peace that Jesus gives to a Christian (John 14:27). Billy Graham says that the
Bible describes three kinds of peace. The first is peace with God (Romans 5:1). An individual can
immediately have peace with God by receiving Christ as personal Lord and Savior. The second kind of
peace is of God (Colossians 3:15). A Christian that allows Christ to reign in his or her life as Lord will
experience the peace of God. Future peace is the third kind of peace. Until Christ the Prince of Peace
returns, permanent peace in the world will never exist (Isaiah 9:6-7).
Longsuffering
Longsuffering is enduring through painful suffering that is intentionally brought about in dealing with
people. The suffering may be for an extended period of time. A Christian that exemplifies longsuffering is
maturing in his or her faith. Some of the benefits include patience, tolerance, and forbearance.
The prophet Jeremiah endured longsuffering. Pashur imprisoned Jeremiah. In the midst of suffering for
an extended period of time, Jeremiah began to complain to the Lord. Instead of giving up, Jeremiah
realized that he was passionate about serving the Lord. Though Pashur intentionally caused painful
suffering for Jeremiah, the passion still existed. Jeremiah tolerated the suffering and then declared, “(9)
Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine
heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay”
(Jeremiah 20:19). He remained loyal to his Lord. Jeremiah knew the eternal rewards of longsuffering.
Gentleness
Gentleness is an act of showing kindness and helpfulness in a relationship that suffers trials and
hardship. A Christian is reminded to do good to those that may hate or mistreat them (Matthew 5:44). To
do so does not show a Christian’s weakness but strength.
A Christian’s attitude of gentleness should reflect Christ’s attitude (Philippians 2:5). Humbly and
obediently, a Christian will treat others as Christ would treat them. Their attitude of gentleness shifts from
selfishness to selflessness.
Goodness
A Christian’s character is upright, good, and decent. The attitude will speak of actively doing well toward
others, especially fellow Christians (Galatians 6:10). God takes pleasure in His child concerning goodness
(2 Thessalonians 1:11).
A Christian would want someone to do well for them. Likewise, a Christian will want to do well for that
person. Jesus commanded, “(30) Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy
goods ask them not again. (31) And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise”
(Luke 6:30-31). Actions speak louder than words. Give a cup of cold water in the name of Jesus Christ.
The water will pave the way for a Christian to share the Gospel. Stand up for what is right, moral, and
honorable. Get involved in social work by obeying Jesus’ command.
Faith
Faith is the belief in something. A person can have faith that a chair will hold their body, a ladder will
support their weight while climbing, and a boss man will pay for work that is done. A Christian with faith
believes wholeheartedly the truth of Christ’s salvation (Ephesians 2:8-9). Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is the
substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
The eleventh chapter of Hebrews provides examples of Biblical men and women who had faith in God.
They lived out their faith and they died holding on to their faith. Faith requires a Christian to willingly obey
Christ. A Christian may not intellectually or rationally be able to describe what Christ wants them to do.
Christ only wants to know if His child will simply trust and obey even if the decision does not make sense at
the present time. A Christian’s relationship with Christ is tested by forsaking all and trusting Christ through
faith.
Meekness
Meekness can be described as displaying patience and a humble spirit when faced with correcting and
responding to another person’s failures and faults. Jesus displayed meekness throughout His earthly
ministry. The apostle Paul desired in life to mimic Jesus (2 Corinthians 10:1-2). A Christian is challenged
to do the same (2 Timothy 2:24-25). The first thought may not include displaying an attitude of
meekness. Ask Christ to provide strength to effectively display an attitude of meekness.
The development of Godly character includes making a decision to serve in body, soul, and spirit. Rely on
the Holy Spirit to provide a meek attitude in body, soul, and spirit. This will help a Christian not become a
hindrance to the Gospel of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 9:12).
Temperance
All of the virtues of the fruit of the Spirit interweave temperance. Temperance can be defined as self-
control. A Christian actively and consistently desires to exercise Godly restraint. Temptations, lustful
appetites and thoughts, evil passions, and selfish desires are all part of an individual’s sinful nature (1
John 2:15-16). A Christian must guard their thoughts, heart, and spirit (Proverbs 4:23, 25:28; Mark 7:20-
23).
The sinful nature fights against the Spirit. Every Christian will face some type of temptation. Obey the
Holy Spirit and He will make a way to escape the temptation. The apostle Paul wrote, “There hath no
temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be
tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be
able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Interwoven Together
The characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit are interwoven together. A Christian cannot work for the
characteristics. As a Christian matures in Christ, the fruit will begin to naturally grow and flow. The fruit
cannot be imitated (Matthew 13:24-30). A real, genuine Christian will produce real, genuine fruit (John 15:
1-8).
Each characteristic of the fruit of the Spirit goes together with the other characteristics. Selfless and
unconditional love will produce joy. Real joy in a Christian’s life will bring about the peace of God. Love,
joy, and peace contribute towards longsuffering. Longsuffering will assist a Christian with gentleness.
Goodness will be portrayed as love, joy, peace, longsuffering, and gentleness are exhibited. These
characteristics produce and strengthen a Christian’s faith. Meekness grows over time because of the
growth of the other characteristics. Temperance is seen in each of the other characteristics. The fruit of
the Spirit will contain all of these characteristics in the life of a growing, maturing Christian.
Summary
God is the Author of the love story. The Bible contains God’s love story to mankind. The Old Testament
contains God selecting the nation of Israel, His covenant with them, their rebellious nature, and God’s
faithfulness. The love story between God and His children is found throughout the Old Testament. After
Malachi, for four hundred years God remained silent.
John the Baptist broke the silence by declaring, “Prepare ye the way of the Lord.” God kept His covenant
by sending His Son Jesus Christ, from the lineage of king David. The New Testament brought about a
new covenant. Salvation would be for the Jew and the Gentile.
God’s love story includes a sinner having a personal relationship with God through accepting Jesus Christ
as their personal Lord and Savior. An individual that accepts Jesus is known as a Christian. A Christian
will see Christ as a noun and a verb by experiencing and embracing Christ. Each day a Christian must live
to know Christ and Him crucified. A Christian cannot have a relationship with God without having a
relationship with the Bible.
The result of a Christian who is willing to follow Christ, read the Bible, and live out their faith is the fruit of
the Spirit. The characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness,
goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. All of the characteristics are interwoven together.
CHAPTER 2
GOD: SEX, MARRIAGE, AND COMMITMENT
God’s is love. He made love to exist between a man and a woman. Sex is gift from God. Marriage is a
lifelong commitment made before God. God’s love story involves sex, marriage, and commitment between
a Christian man and woman. This chapter will explore those issues.
God’s View of Sex
Sex is not a sin. Billy Graham says, “It is significant that the Bible is one of the world’s most outspoken
books on the subject of sex. It does not try to gloss over sex in either its right or wrong aspects. The sly,
secret, embarrassed, ‘let’s-pretend-it-doesn’t-exist’ attitude about sex is purely manmade.” God meant
for sex to be shared between a husband and a wife. He intended sex to be the complete act of love in a
marriage. Sex is a part of marriage. The commitment, love, respect, and joy are all attributes of a
marriage. God designed sex to bring about new life. Upon completion of creation, God instructed Adam
and Eve, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28b).
A Christian is to honor and glorify God with their bodies. Strive to live a sexually pure life until marriage.
Satan will use the lust of the eye, heart, emotions, and thoughts to tempt a Christian (James 1:14-15).
The temptation will appear natural and good. Lustful thoughts and actions cannot be justified. A Christian’
s body is the temple of the Lord. Christ indwells the heart and life of His child. He paid the ultimate price
for sin by dying on a cross. A Christian is bought with the blood of Christ. Resist and flee temptation.
“(18) Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication
sinneth against his own body. (19) What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost
which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? (20) For ye are bought with a price:
therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).
The misuse of sex is a sin. Sin is a result of Adam and Eve’s disobedience to God in the Garden of Eden
(Genesis 3). Society has distorted sex. Sinful individuals have degraded sex to nothing more than low,
cheap, and filthy. This is not how God intended sex.
God’s View of Marriage
A Christian that follows and obeys God’s view of sex should accept God’s view of marriage. Marriage,
from God’s point of view, is a holy bond between a male and female. In the Garden of Eden, Adam was
lonely (Genesis 2:18-25). He had no help mate. God said that Adam should not be alone but that he
needed a help mate. Adam fell into a deep sleep. While he was sleeping, God took a rib from Adam’s
side. After God removed Adam’s rib, He sewed Adam’s side. God took the rib and made a woman. The
woman was given the name Eve. Adam awakens to find Eve. “And Adam said, This is now bone of my
bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:
23). God said that man shall leave his father and his mother. Man will take a wife and cleave unto her.
No longer will the man and woman be two individuals. The two will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24-25).
A wedding is a beginning for a husband and wife. A beginning for making memories, for starting a family,
for experiencing a new type of love together, for learning about each other, and for growing closer. Family
and friends work to make the wedding day a special day. Decorations, flowers, and food are all set in their
proper places. The joy awaits as the marriage ceremony draws nearer. The groom and groomsmen enter
the chapel with the preacher. Each bridesmaid takes her turn walking down the aisle. Finally all eyes turn
towards the back of the church. The music begins, the door opens, and the bride stands dressed in her
beautiful white wedding gown. Next to the bride stands her father. The excited guests all rise to their feet
as the bride makes her entrance. The groom stands at the altar and grins from ear to ear. As the bride
walks down the aisle, the groom cannot take his eyes off of her. The eyes of the bride and the groom are
locked on each other. The preacher recites the wedding vows as the groom and bride each take their
turn repeating the vows. Finally, the preacher announces to the guests, “It is my honor and privilege to be
the first to announce Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.” The newlyweds make their way out of the church as
husband and wife.
A Christian marriage should be about pleasing God. God is the Head of Christ. Christ is the Head of the
husband. The husband is the head of his wife. The wife willingly submits to her husband. The husband
selflessly loves his wife as Christ loves the Church. The husband and wife become one in Christ (Mark 10:
6-9; 1 Corinthians 11:1-3, 8-12; Ephesians 5:22-25; Colossians 3:18-19).
God created the male and female to be separate, different, and equal. The male was not made to
complete the female. Neither was the female made to complete the male. Instead of completing each
other, God made the male and female to complement each other. Only Jesus Christ can complete an
individual.
Commitment
Marriage is a real commitment. God takes marriage seriously, just like He took His marriage to the
children of Israel serious. Prayerfully seek God about making the commitment. A Christian’s character
should be mature. The responsibility and commitment of marriage requires an attitude of selflessness.
This is no joking matter. The words “I Do” seal the marriage commitment. A whole new world of emotional,
physical, and spiritual is entered. The responsibility of marriage demands quality time invested in each
other.
A Christian male and female should view marriage as a serious, lifetime commitment made before God.
When the going gets tough, then the individuals in the marriage are committed to each other for life. The
children of Israel faced tough times. They were not wholeheartedly committed to God. When the going
got tough, they simply left God and became unfaithful to Him. A Christian man and woman must remain
faithful to each other no matter what life may bring their way.
Summary
The Author of the love story created sex. A Christian is to honor and glorify God with their bodies by
striving to live a sexually pure life until marriage. A Christian that follows and obeys God’s view of sex
should accept God’s view of marriage. God’s view of marriage is a holy bond and a lifetime commitment
between a male and female.
CHAPTER 3
THE CHRISTIAN MAN’S CHARACTERISTICS BEFORE SAYING “I DO”
The Christian man that feels he is ready to make the commitment to get married should make sure that he
is really ready. The children of Israel entered into the covenant with God. God was ready but the children
of Israel were not. They would be faithful for a time and then the Israelites would go a whoring after their
own sinful, selfish nature. This chapter will look at some characteristics the Christian man should have
before saying “I Do” and some lessons to learn from the Israelites.
Relationship With God, Bible, and Fruit of the Spirit
The Christian man must make sure that he has a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
Christ is viewed as a noun and verb through experiencing and embracing Christ. Every single day, he will
have a desire to die to self and live for Christ. Time spent reading, studying, and reflecting on the Bible is
precious. The Bible convicts, corrects, and reproofs the Christian man of God. This man will exemplify the
fruit of the Spirit.
Be the Christ-Built Warrior
The Christian man may have the desire to be a warrior. He may not know exactly how to do so. A Christ-
built warrior focuses on strengthening and building courageous muscles in his soul and compassion
muscles in his heart. No longer does one’s self matter. As Christ shapes and molds the soul and heart,
what matters most is what Christ thinks. Begin to see people, situations, and circumstances through Christ’
s eyes. The things that matter to Christ are worth protecting and defending.
Protect the Covenant Life Within
The Christian warrior must look to God, the Commander and Chief. The first item a Christian warrior will
want to do is protect the covenant life within. This requires weapons, a battle plan, and complete focus of
the warrior. The Commander and Chief is at work in a warrior’s life. Satan, the enemy, is at work to
destroy the warrior’s covenant life. The enemy will use different tactics to defeat the warrior.
One tactic is to drug the warrior. Instead of growing and protecting the covenant life, the enemy will use
computer games, hunting, money, work, school, sports, music, weightlifting, and other items to drug the
warrior. Once the enemy finds out the weakness of the warrior, then the warrior becomes vulnerable to
being drugged by self. The selfish and sinful nature begins to rule and threatens to overthrow the
Commander and Chief’s rule.
Another tactic is distraction. This tactic can be very convincing. The warrior becomes so busy with doing
good things that he neglects to spend time with the Commander and Chief. The enemy keeps sending the
warrior distractions. Each distraction takes more and more time away from Bible study, prayer, and
fellowship with the Commander and Chief. The busyness becomes the focus. The warrior begins to
ignore the Commander and Chief’s rule and begins to focus on his selfish and sinful nature.
Artillery for Fighting the Enemy
The Christian warrior will need artillery to fight off the enemy. He must remain on constant alert. The
moment the enemy begins to attack, the warrior must immediately attack back. First of all, spend quality
time getting to know the Commander and Chief. Study the Bible and pray. Secondly, map out a battle
strategy. Look for areas where the enemy attacks. Some areas may include temptation, frustration, or
irritation. The next time the enemy attacks fight head-on. Find a non-Christian, pray for him, and share
the Gospel of Jesus Christ with him. The enemy will get extremely mad. He may leave. Not long after, the
enemy will return.
Thirdly, the warrior must be ready to suffer pain and death in battle. He must not fear the pain of dying to
self. Every single day, live life for the Commander and Chief and fear Him. Do not live life for self and do
not compromise. Make the commitment to fight the enemy by dying to self for life. Fourthly, do not let the
enemy set up a communication post in the thought life, heart, or mind. Take out any and all
communication posts that the enemy may try to set up. Do not give the enemy one-inch to influence
thoughts. Be on guard with the eyes and ears. Fifthly, the warrior must surround himself with other
warriors. A fellowship of believers can encourage and help in overcoming the enemy. Find fellow
Christian warriors to pray with and share with. These warriors can even be accountability partners. There
is strength in numbers. The enemy will not stand a chance. Fight for being a Christ-like warrior.
Be the Man of Integrity
Integrity is abiding by a code of moral values, describes inward character, and describes outward
conduct. The Christian man will have a desire to stand up for what is right in the eyes of God. He does
not have to waver between two opinions. If something is right, then the Christian man will stand for it
without backing down. The pressure to back down may be tough. The pressure will only push a man of
integrity to keep standing. The Christian man will allow his beliefs to line up with the Bible. If the Bible
says that something is wrong, then the man will believe that it is wrong. No questions asked. Just believe.
Be the Man With Pure Thoughts
Psalm 139 says, “(1) O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. (2) Thou knowest my downsitting
and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.” God knows every thought. The Christian
man will have a desire to be a man with pure thoughts. Thoughts such as pride, lust, anger, envy,
jealously, and revenge may exist in the secret thought life. The enemy is battling for the mind. He uses
the world, flesh, and other sinful devices to attack the thought life (Galatians 5:17). The temptation is not
coming from God (James 1:13-15). The temptation is from the enemy. Resist the temptation by living in
the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:16). Allow the Holy Spirit to let the fruit of the Spirit grow and flourish. Realize
that God provides a way out of the temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “There hath no temptation
taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above
that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
Be the Man of Proper Authority
The Christian man will allow Christ to rule and reign in his life. God is the Head of Christ, Christ is the
Head of every man, the man is the head of the wife, the wife willingly submits to her husband, the husband
loves his wife as Christ loves the church, and both husband and wife become one in Christ (Mark 10:6-9; 1
Corinthians 11:1-3, 8-12; Ephesians 5:22-25; Colossians 3:18-19). The leadership roles are simple to
understand, may be difficult to follow, and require a willingness from the man and woman to live according
to the Bible.
God specifically designed the Christian man to assume responsibility of the household. He is to be a man
that asserts proper authority. A physical body needs a head to be the source of authority. The same is
true in a marriage. The Christian man will be the head of the household to assert proper authority with a
loving attitude over the family. This means that he is willingly submitting to Christ.
The Christian man is different than the Christian woman. Each is built different physically, emotionally,
and mentally. The man will even act different than the woman. God made these behavioral differences.
The man was designed to be the leader and the woman was made to be the follower.
Be the Man of Obedience
The Christian man needs to be a man of obedience. At times, obeying God is not easy. The enemy will
try to use the selfish nature to disobey God. God instructed Abraham to leave his family, friends, and
comfortable surroundings. Abraham was seventy-five years old. He was instructed to leave and follow
God. No retirement, no medical benefits, and no vacations. God only wanted Abraham’s complete
obedience (Genesis 12).
The enemy will tempt the Christian man to weigh the pros and cons for completely obeying God. Make the
decision to spend the energy and time handing full control of life to God. Let Him be the Guide. Humbly
and willingly submit to His headship and leadership. The adventure of a lifetime will begin the moment
God takes the reigns and assumes full control. There is no specific formula or system with God. Just
simply trust Him, spend time in prayer, study the Bible, and enjoy the adventure.
Be the “H.O.T.” Man
H.O.T. stands for Holy, Outrageous, and Trustworthy. The Christian man will want to be H.O.T. This type
of man reveals the Biblical idea of manhood.
Holy
The Christian man is to live a holy and set apart life according to God’s standards. God is looking for a
man to fill the gap and be devoted to Biblical convictions (Ezekiel 22:30). Be courageous. Defend
holiness. Do not “go with flow” just to please a crowd. Stay immersed in God’s Word. Be a genuine man
of God.
Apply the Word of God to daily living (Ezra 7:9-10). Before teaching others the Word of God, exemplify
the fruit of the Spirit and Jesus’ teachings. Make sure to set the priorities in order. Put God first, family
second, job third, and the list goes on and on. Motivate others to follow suit.
Outrageous
The Christian man will want to be outrageous for life. A new car will fade, a muscular body will eventually
wrinkle, but qualities of an outrageous Christian life will last for eternity. Some qualities of an outrageous
Christian man are to show kindness to the woman, open the door for her, compliment her appearance, be
sensitive to her needs, consistently offer words of encouragement, and treat the woman like a lady.
These qualities may not be easy at first, but ask God to provide help in developing and exemplifying
them.
Outrageous includes Godly masculinity. There is nothing wrong with having a new car and a muscular
body. God designed the male Christian to impress the female with His ordained masculinity. Do not
impress a female with anything else. Masculinity ordained by God includes being a man of faith and
family, seeking guidance and advice from older Christian men, and becoming a Godly masculine man.
Trustworthy
The Christian man needs to be trustworthy. Trust is earned. One way to earn trust is to lead by example.
Adam was made first. Eve was made from Adam’s rib. God meant for Adam to lead Eve. The same is
true for the Christian man. The Christian man is to be the spiritual leader. Discuss Scripture passages,
initiate Biblical fellowship, and have God-focused conversations. This will prepare the Christian man for
marriage and will help earn the woman’s trust.
Another way to earn the woman’s trust is to make a promise and then follow through with that promise. Do
not make a promise if there is no intention of keeping it. Jesus said let a “yes” be “yes” and a “no” be “no”
(Matthew 5:37).
Commitment and responsibility are other ways to earn the woman’s trust. If a commitment has been made,
then abide by the commitment. Take responsibility when necessary. Show the woman that commitments
and responsibilities are both important characteristics that are taken seriously.
Lessons to Learn from the Israelites
The Christian man can learn a few lessons from the Israelites. One lesson to learn is that God is faithful to
His covenant. He never goes back on His promise. If the Christian man is unfaithful to God, God desires
for him to repent.
Another lesson to learn is that a covenant made with God should be taken very seriously. The covenant
for a Christian is the relationship he has with God through the blood of Jesus Christ. The Christian man
cannot lose his salvation but he can be chastised. Rebellion and unfaithfulness bring about
consequences.
A third lesson is that a Christian cannot have self on the throne and God on the throne at the same time.
The children of Israel demanded a physical king to rule over them. They turned from God’s leadership
and relied on the leadership of a man. The Christian man must move self off of the throne and rely on
God to rule his life.
A fourth lesson is that God has the authority to cause the Christian man to prosper, be strong, stable, and
acknowledged. Do not think that any individual or organization has the authority to cause the man to
prosper or to be strong. God alone has that authority.
Summary
The Christian man that feels he is ready for marriage needs to make sure that he is really ready. This
chapter included some characteristics that the Christian man should posses before saying “I Do.” Make
sure to have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Study the Bible on a daily basis.
Exemplify the fruit of the Spirit.
The Christian man will need to be a Christ-built warrior that protects and defends the covenant life. He will
need to be a man of integrity. Stand up for what is right in God’s eyes.
Maintain pure thoughts that are pleasing to God. Resist temptation and know that God provides a way to
escape. Assert proper authority by allowing Christ to be the Head. Obey God without weighing the pros
and cons. Let go and let God. The Christian man will want to be H.O.T. and reveal the Biblical idea of
manhood.
Many lessons can be learned from the Israelites. God is faithful to His covenant. A covenant made with
God should be taken serious. Remain faithful to the covenant. Rely on God to lead and move self off of
the throne. Realize that God alone can cause the Christian man to prosper, be strong, and stable.
CHAPTER 4
THE CHRISTIAN WOMAN’S CHARACTERISTICS BEFORE SAYING “I DO”
The Christian woman feels she is ready to make the commitment to get married should make sure that she
is really ready. This chapter will look at some characteristics the Christian woman should have before
saying “I Do” and some lessons to learn from the Israelites.
Relationship With God, Bible, and Fruit of the Spirit
The Christian woman must make sure that she has a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
Christ is to be evident and seen as a noun and verb. This means that the Christian woman will experience
and embrace Christ.
Allow self to die daily and desire to live for Christ. Spend quality time reading studying, and reflecting on
the Bible. Let the Bible convict, correct, and reproof the Christian woman. This will allow the Holy Spirit to
root and grow the fruit of the Spirit in the Christian woman’s life. She will then exemplify the fruit of the
Spirit.
Be the Set Apart Woman in Heart
The Christian woman needs to be set apart for God’s glory. To be set apart, she must remove the trash
and debris that is cluttering her heart. Trash and debris can be hatred towards someone, a haunting
memory, hidden sin, or emotional baggage. The trash and debris can cause pain, hurt, and tears. The
Christian woman needs to seek God’s forgiveness for hatred and hidden sin. She needs to ask God to
help her deal with burying the emotional baggage and haunting memory. Seek to make things right in God’
s eyes. The process may take some time. If the trash and debris is properly removed then the Christian
woman can become set apart for God’s glory.
The sacredness of the heart is the sanctuary for God to dwell and reside. The Christian woman needs to
keep her heart pure and clean. God can enjoy intimate fellowship in this beautiful and holy place. Out of
the heart can bring abundant joy and fulfilling intimacy with the Creator of Love.
Be the Pride-less Woman
Pride can get in the way of following God’s will in life. The Christian woman needs to be pride-less and
learn to rely totally on God. If God is truly calling then personally answer His call. The selfish nature will
want to question God’s call and then turn away from it. The Christian woman will have to make a firm
decision to remove the selfish nature from the throne and allow God to rule.
Be the Woman Willing to Serve
The Christian woman should desire to faithfully and willingly serve the Lord. A prayer can be, “Lord, use
my life to count for Your glory. I am Your servant and I am willing to serve You. Here is my life. Take it
and use it how You see fit.” An attitude of serving the Lord is the best attitude to have. To serve the Lord
is truly fulfilling and rewarding. Serve the Lord by standing up for His Word and for what is morally and
ethically right in God’s eyes. Make life count for Christ. Leave a legacy that is worth following. Serve by
example.
Be the Woman of Proper Authority
The roles of the man and woman are clearly defined in the Bible. God is the Head of Christ, Christ is the
Head of the man, the man is the head of the wife, the wife willingly submits to her husband, the husband
loves his wife as Christ loves the Church, and both husband and wife become one in Christ (Mark 10:6-9;
1 Corinthians 11:1-3, 8-12; Ephesians 5:22-25; Colossians 3:18-19). The leadership roles are simple to
understand, may be difficult to follow, and require a willingness from both individuals to live according to
the Bible.
God created the man and woman to be equal. Yet they were created to be different. The man was not
made to complete the woman. Neither was the woman created to complete the man. God made the man
and the woman to complement each other. Only Jesus Christ can complete the man or woman.
Be the “H.O.T.” Woman
The Christian woman wants to be H.O.T. – Holy, Outrageous, and Trustworthy. This type of woman
reveals the Biblical idea of womanhood.
Holy
God has called the Christian woman to holiness. One characteristic of holiness is the desire to know
God. To know God means the Christian woman hungers, thirsts, and longs for God (Psalm 42:1-2). Her
relationship with God comes first. The Word of God is important. Prayer time is precious. The pursuit of
God is gratifying. Every day she wants to grow closer and closer to the Lover of her soul.
Another characteristic is virtue. Chapter thirty-one of the Book of Proverbs discusses a virtuous woman,
“(10) Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. (25) Strength and honour are her
clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. (30) Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman
that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. (31) Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works
praise her in the gates.” Virtue means that the Christian woman shapes her life and conforms her moral
and ethical values around God’s standards. Her physical appearance, emotional being, moral conduct,
and speech glorify God (Romans 12:2).
A third characteristic is how the Christian woman is transformed and conformed to God’s standards and
principles. Allow older Christian women to mentor and provide Biblical guidance. The Christian woman will
want to surround herself with these women of faith. Respect their wisdom and understanding. Remember
that holiness equals growth in Christ.
Outrageous
The Christian woman is proud of and appreciates her God-given femininity. She needs to discover her
own feminine qualities. Then develop those qualities for God’s glory, honor, and praise.
One way to be outrageous is through Godly charm. This type of charm involves taking interest in things
outside of self. Take a genuine interest in friends and family members. Care about them and have
concern about their lives. Allow the Holy Spirit to work, apply self-discipline, and ask God to develop the
charm.
Another way the Christian woman can be outrageous is through personal grooming. Take a sincere
interest in personal appearance. There is nothing wrong with focusing on external beauty. Good
grooming is attractive and pleasing to God. Remember the body is His temple and deserves proper care
and maintenance. Make sure the clothes that are worn bring glory and honor to Christ and not self. Apply
the appropriate amount of makeup, lipstick, and eyelash.
Trustworthy
The Christian woman is to be trusted. Gossip is wrong and is lethal (Ephesians 4:29). She needs to make
sure that information discussed about another person helps them and does not tear them down. Do not
spend time knocking another person down. Seek to build them up and pray for that person.
Trust comes about through listening (James 1:19). The Christian woman will want to be quick to listen and
slow to respond. The listening skill is very important. A person that is heard feels important. Proper
communication and listening skills are valuable to a healthy marriage and to a healthy friendship. The
Christian woman that listens is saying that the person talking is of importance. She needs to desire to
become a trustworthy person by listening and not gossiping.
Lessons to Learn From the Israelites
The Christian woman can learn a few lessons from the Israelites. One lesson is that a covenant with God
is to be taken serious. God does not play games. The Christian woman should not play games with God
but should desire to be a faithful in her faith.
God takes great joy in the Christian woman. He will provide for her and meet her every need. She does
not need to go a whoring after other gods. Do not turn away from God. Rely totally on God. Trust His
Word and guidance. Take great joy in the relationship with God.
The Christian woman cannot have self on the throne and God on the throne simultaneously. The
Israelites did not want God to rule them. They desired a physical, earthly king to rule. God was angry and
hurt. The Israelites inflicted pain on themselves. They should have relied on the King of kings and Lord
of lords to direct them. The same holds true for the Christian woman. Allow the King of kings and Lord of
lords to have total rule by removing self off of the throne.
The Israelites would follow God for a while and then decide that they wanted to follow the gods of other
nations. The decision was disobedient. They did not wholeheartedly sell out to God. The Christian
woman must make the decision to willingly and wholeheartedly sell out to God for life. Do not serve God
for a month and then decide to serve something else for a while. To live is Christ and to die is nothing
more than gain (Philippians 1:21).
Summary
The Christian woman that feels she is ready for marriage needs to make sure that she is really ready.
This chapter included some characteristics that the Christian woman should posses before saying “I Do.”
Make sure to have a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ. Study the Bible every
single day. Allow the Holy Spirit to work and exemplify the fruit of the Spirit.
The Christian woman will need to be set apart for God’s glory and honor. Remove all trash and debris
that is a hindrance. Desire to be the pride-less woman. Make a firm decision to remove the selfish nature
from the throne.
The Christian woman should have a desire to faithfully and willingly serve the Lord. Serve by example.
She can do so by understanding her role as defined by the Bible. Jesus can complete the Christian
woman and the man can complement her. She will want to be H.O.T. – holy, outrageous, and trustworthy.
Many lessons can be learned from the Israelites. The Christian woman is to take her covenant with God
serious. Take great joy in the relationship with God. Rely on the King of kings and Lord of lords to direct
her life. Wholeheartedly sell out to God for a lifetime.
CHAPTER 5
CONCLUSION
The purpose of this paper was to provide insight into the Christian man and woman who are ready for
marriage to have an understanding of the Old Testament and New Testament’s love story so that they
each may possess their respective characteristics. A variety of questions were explored. Questions such
as “Did the covenant between God and the children of Israel mean anything?”, “What is truth all about?”,
“What are some characteristics of the Christian man?”, “The Christian woman?”, and “Can any lessons be
learned from the Israelites of the Old Testament?” Marriage is serious and should seriously be
considered before entered. Only the Author of Love can provide the necessary characteristics that can
make a soon-to-be Godly husband and wife.
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| Copyright 2005-2008 Dr. Jad Khalaf, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved |