| Copyright 2005-2008 Dr. Jad Khalaf, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved |
| "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." II Timothy 2:15 |
| SHOULD A CHRISTIAN SINGLE “MISSIONARY DATE”? BY JAD J. KHALAF Many Christian singles ask the question, “Can I date or court a non-Christian?” This is missionary dating. Missionary dating can involve a Christian single wanting to date or court a non-Christian with the intention of that person becoming a Christian. The Bible is clear that a single man or woman is date or court only a Christian. The apostle Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? Andwhat communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). The spiritual aspect of a Christian single is the most important aspect of a dating/courting relationship. Each person must have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He is to be first in a Christian’s life. In addition, Christ is to be first in a dating/courting relationship. Saint Luke records Jesus saying, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23b). If one individual in a dating/courting relationship is not submitting to Christ, then problems will arise in the future. Problems such as manipulating love from one another and the feeling of a show of no love can arise. For example, the male in a relationship is not a Christian and the female is a Christian. The female will want the male to convert to Christ and she will try everything in her power to change him. The male may start acting spiritual only to please the female. The male may say the right words at just the right and manipulate the female into thinking he is going to change his lifestyle. This type of relationship is unhealthy because the female acts as the spiritual parent and the male acts as the child. The male and female are on unequal levels. He begins to rely on her and she begins to rely on him. Neither the male nor the female is relying on Christ. The two may have fun for a while but eventually the female will get tired of being the spiritual parent. Unless the male has accepted Jesus Christ as personal Lord and Savior, asked for forgiveness from sin, and genuinely desires to live for Christ then the relationship is destined for failure because Christ is not the focus. Reconsider dating/courting the non-Christian and end the relationship immediately. Only date a growing, maturing Christian. There can be two dating cycles. The first dating cycle is vicious dating cycle. This cycle depicts the idea of singles moving from one relationship to another relationship because of the desire to find fulfillment in individuals. Table one depicts the vicious dating cycle. TABLE 1. Vicious Dating Cycle 1. You are imperfect and hungry for acceptance. 2. So you date to find someone who will make you happy. 3. Your date, however, is also imperfect and hungry for acceptance. 4. You try to please each other but eventually make mistakes and disappoint each other. 5. Your disappoint-ment causes conflict and rejection. 6. As the rejection mounts, you begin to look for someone else to please you. 7. The cycle starts over. The second dating cycle is Christ’s Love Dating Cycle. This cycle comes from an individual finding and accepting Christ’s love and unconditional acceptance. The individual finds completeness in Christ and not in individuals. Table two depicts Christ’s Love Dating Cycle. TABLE 2. Christ’s Love Dating Cycle 1. You are imperfect, but you are fulfilled by God’s love. 2. So when you date someone, he or she no longer has to act perfectly to please you. 3. Therefore, your date is free to be himself or herself. 4. This makes him or her feel more comfortable around you. 5. When your date makes a mistake, you can forgive him or her as God forgave you. 6. In turn, your date enjoys being with you and encourages a deeper relation-ship. 7. A cycle of intimacy forms, and you grow closer together. BIBLIOGRAPHY Harris, Joshua. Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship. Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah Publishers, Inc., 2000. Eagar, Rob. Dating With Pure Passion: More Than Rules, More Than Courtship, More Than a Formula. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2002. |
| Dr. Jad Khalaf |