| EVANGELIZING SINGLE PEOPLE BY DR. JAD JAMAL KHALAF INTRODUCTION This research paper will deal with the trend of evangelizing the people who are single. In this paper, different types of discussions will take place. The definition of single people can contain a variety of different groups of people. Single people can include senior adults, middle-age adults, young adults, seminary students, college students, teenagers, and everyone else who might be single. In addition the single sdult can represent those who have been married and are now divorce, those who have never been married, those whose spouse’s have died, and anyone thinking about getting married. Whenever a Christian comes into contact with a lost person, then God can take the situation and make something wonderful out of it. Divine appointments happen when God makes Himself known to a person through some type of supernatural occurrence or through just an ordinary Christian person. These different appointments have been pre-arranged by God. A pastor can play an important role by different encounters with singles. Divine appointments play important roles when it comes to doing evangelism. Much of this will be discussed in this paper in some type of fashion or form. The main jest is to study each group in order to determine how to properly share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with them. EVANGELIZING WITH SINGLE COLLEGE STUDENTS A pastor of a local church should always seek to share the Gospel to those who are single. This may very well include college students. Hundreds of students will probably come into contact with a pastor. This group of single people need all the help and encouragement that they can get. Life will offer a drastic change for the most part. Questions will need to be answered. A pastor will have a unique opportunity to prepare this group for the experiences that lie ahead as well as answer those questions that are asked. For the most part, a pastor will probably know the background of those students who have been raised in his church. Even if this is not the case, then a pastor will have a great opportunity to be a friend and a pastor to the single, college student. One neat opportunity a pastor has is the ability to help prepare these students for the spiritual experience that awaits them on the campus where they attend college. For many students, spirituality is often neglected due to the fact that dad and mom are no longer around to tell them what to do. Some students do not come from a Christian home, so a pastor can take this time to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Millions of students attend a university or a college of some type. Located on these campuses are students who come from a variety of backgrounds. Some students become homesick while others are glad that they have left home. Fraternities, sororities, athletics, studying, dorm life, tuition, classes, bills, jobs, and a host of other things that overwhelm a college student. It is quite natural for a single student to experience a variety of problems. Transition is not that easy for a majority of students. Most of the students are immature and are not prepared to be out on their own. A pastor will have to learn to deal with all of these areas of life. A college student’s life can become so absorbed with all types of problems that they need someone to talk to and to offer some type of encouragement. This group of people may even need counseling. God can use counseling in an evangelistic way. The counseling process can take place in a variety of different places and on many different levels. Sometimes it may be appropriate for a counseling session to take place over a glass of coke or over a cup of coffee. At other times the session can take place in a pastor’s office or even when a student just drops in. However and whenever the session or sessions take place, there needs to be some needs that need to be met. There might be times that a pastor will want to seek to correctly guide a student in deciding on making the right choices. In other cases, a student might need real counseling because of some issues that he may be dealing with. In this type of case, a pastor will want to help a student work through feelings. These feelings may include feeling inadequate, having guilt, experiencing doubt, or other things. If the issue(s) are very deep, then the setting of the session will make a difference. A pastor must seek to determine the correct location in order to be effective. Time is also an important factor. When counseling does take place, then distractions need to be at a minimal. Goals need to reached or at least be attempted. A pastor should seek to help a student become free from crippling emotions, fear, guilt, and other factors. An attitude of confidence, approval, and acceptance should be set. Above all, a pastor should seek to help a student grow in his relationship with Christ. If no relationship exist, then a pastor should seek to introduce the student to Christ. One thing of importance must be remembered. A senior pastor does not necessarily have to do all of this. Most churches have college pastors who minister to those in this category. More than ever, college students need to definitely hear about the saving message of Jesus Christ. EVANGELIZING THE SINGLE UNWED MOTHER In today’s society, a single mother who is not married is quite common. It is sad but it is the truth. Women are becoming pregnant at a fast rate. Many single mothers do not know how to cope with being a parent of a child. Some parents may try to cover up the reality that there young daughter has become pregnant. Today’s society says that there is nothing wrong with having sex outside of marriage. The idea is that everyone is doing it so why not try it. Love and acceptance can definitely be a reason why this happens. Peer pressure can also play an important role due to the fact that being cool in a group is something that everyone wants to be. No one wants to be a coward so why not go ahead and have fun while one is young. If a guy tells a girl that he loves her, then a girl can be persuaded to get into a situation in which she desires not to get out of. One thing can lead to another and the consequences happen. A pastor will have to correctly know how to deal with these issues when they arise. It will be during this time that the love of Christ can be shown through the life of a Christian. For the most part, a pastor will definitely be faced with situations like these on more than one occasion. Confidentiality is something that is to be taken in a very serious manner. When this confidence is broken then trust is hard to be gained. A pastor must learn to keep to himself that information that he knows. This is a very traumatic event that takes place in the life of a young lady that may experience this. A girl caught in this predicament might be afraid that her pastor will become angry and judge her for the wrong that she has committed. Families will have to be contacted and informed of the situation at hand. At times, a pastor might not know how to do this in a proper way. When this does take place, then a pastor will have to deal with the shock of those on the receiving end. Anger, pain, heartbreaks, discouragement, shame, guilt, unforgiveness, humiliation, and other emotions will have to be properly worked through. In trying to remain as humble and compassionate as possible, a pastor will need to be a minister to the single, expected mother as well as to the parents and families involved. A pastor should seek to be Christ-like in his attitude and in his way of dealing with this issue. It might be difficult at times, but this should be worked through. For one thing, a pastor needs to help the single soon-to-be mother to find her own strengths, in relationship of being a Christian. If the individual is not a Christian, then a pastor can share how important a relationship with Christ really is. For only Jesus Christ can offer true compassion in times like these. There must be an understanding between a pastor and a young lady that the actions that have taken place are not being condoned on behalf of the pastor. With this in place, the young lady needs to be reassured that her pastor accepts her as a person. Different girls face different issues. One girl might need to be helped in a way that another girl does not need to be helped in. A pastor will have to seek to understand each case as presented to him. Fears will be evident in all situations dealt with. A pastor will need to deal with this issue as soon as possible. There are numerous resources that a pastor can make available for the young lady. A pastor will want to use Christian resources. Even though all of this is done, the problem is still not solved. The issue at hand needs to be worked toward coming up with some type of solution. In some cases, it might be necessary to ask the young lady if she would like to meet others who have been in the same shoes. This might offer some type of help in learning how to cope with the future. For the most part, a pastor will want to start as soon as possible with helping the young lady. All of these ideas, though, may take quite some time to get into place. Every case should be counted as sensitive and then dealt with from there. In all that is said, a pastor should never ever advise a young lady to have an abortion. This is definitely out of the question. What is in the question is the fact that a pastor can take this situation and present God’s love in Jesus’ sacrificial death on the Cross. For God can truly offer forgiveness as well as hope for the future. In the back of the mind of a pastor, he should always remember that in order to reach people with the Gospel of Jesus Christ then he will need to help them come to the realization that they are lost in sin and that Jesus Christ is the Only One who can truly forgive them of their sin. EVANGELIZING THE SINGLE-DIVORCED INDIVIDUAL Marriage is a life-long covenant between a man and woman. However, this covenant is being done away with by divorce. Divorce leaves a man and woman feeling all kinds of feelings. Separation between a husband and a wife can have devastating consequences. Numerous things can lead to divorce. Withdrawal, physical separation, social separation, conflict in communication, extramarital affair(s), wrong decisions, finances, religious differences/preferences, backgrounds in family types, and a host of other things can all play a part in being causes of divorce. A pastor will probably be sought when problems first arise in marriage. Sometimes, a pastor will be included during the whole battle while at other times a pastor is not involved until later on. This is no easy issue to deal with but a pastor will definitely be faced with oodles of cases of separation, marital counseling, and divorce among a husband and a wife. After a divorce takes place, a person will be single once again. This time can be very hard for both parties involved. Bereavement will take place after the divorce is made legal and the husband and wife no longer live together as one in marriage. A pastor can play a very important role during this time. The reason being is that the divorcee will have a lot of issues that need to be worked through. For one thing, anger and denial will take place. Anger will come about due to the fact that a variety of things has happened. These things may consist of anger towards the former spouse or even anger towards one’s own self. Denial might happen because the single divorcee cannot come to grips that they are no longer married. A pastor will need to be observant and try to figure out how he will deal with each individual case. Other follow-up trends such as bargaining, acceptance, despair, and other factors could possibly show up sooner or later in the live as well as attitude of the counselee. Some other issues, that might or might not come out during this horrific time in the life of an individual, will have to be addressed by a pastor. The reason is that a divorcee will realize that someone cares about them and is willing to give them the necessary advice to make it through this tough time. First of all, money can definitely be scarce after a divorce. Lawyers, court fees, new places to live, new bills, and other things can drain the account of a divorcee. In fact, depression can come do to the idea that life is over in every single way. Bereavement will definitely include the loss of money in order to go on in life. A second issue is the idea of no longer enjoying the things that once a divorcee might have enjoyed. For example, a pastor might have to help a counselee come to grips with living life in a much different way than before. The social ladder may not be the same after a divorce takes place. One of the heaviest and most embarrassing realities to face is a local church. A divorcee’s life will be seen in a different way by his fellow church members. This can lead to a divorcee withdrawing from participating in church as a whole. Life will have to be basically started over again. A new identity must be regained. If no children are involved then divorcees prefer to call themselves single instead of divorced. A third concept is the fact that a hasty remarriage can conflict with the grief process. Just like in death, a pastor needs to remind a divorcee that the grief process needs to run out its course. A new marriage can send everything back into orbit. This orbit can include but not be limited to psychological effects on a divorcee’s mind. A pastor needs to be aware of these issues as well as other issues. Divorce is a real thing in today’s society and needs to be dealt with in a Biblical way. God needs to lead a pastor in helping a divorcee make the right decisions. Through all of this prayer needs to constantly be offered on behalf of all parties involved. God can restore broken marriages. In fact, a pastor can use a time like this to present God’s wonderful love that He has to offer. EVANGELIZING THE SINGLE WIDOWER Death is inevitable. It will happen sooner or later, that is if Christ tarries in His coming. Some couples have been married for years and years while some have only been married for a short term. Whatever the case, a pastor will have to know how to cope with those going through the bereavement process. Tears, denial, shock, anger, unhappiness, depression, a sense of loneliness, and other factors all play a role in the loss of a husband or a wife. There are all types of ways of dealing with and not dealing with this fact of life. A pastor, though, will need to seek God’s face when it comes to counseling those who are going through this horrific event. This horrific event can be caused by cancer, a vehicle accident, a sudden illness, a freak accident, or other different events. In dealing with bereavement, there are varieties of grief and separation that may be experienced. The length of the marriage plays a very important role in this matter. Memory of the deceased spouse will either be long or short, depending on the time spent with one another. A pastor must realize that the grief process plays a very big part in the matter of reminiscence. All of the memories should try and be worked through. The longer the marriage then the greater the loss will be. An elderly person who has been married for a long time will have a hard time coming to grips that he is now single. It will probably feel like he just lost a part of him due to the close bond that existed inside the marriage. Sometimes after an elderly spouse has died then the living spouse will follow up in death within a short period of time. This can be somewhat different for a newlywed couple who has been married for a short amount of time. A pastor will need to know this information in order to properly deal with the situation at hand. Another important factor is the quality of the relationship. Sometimes death is welcomed. This can be felt due to the fact that illness has plagued the body of a spouse. The sooner the spouse passes away then the less pain he would be in. This can be comforting to the spouse but there will still need to be some type of counseling session(s) done to properly make sure the emotions are dealt with. A pastor needs to gather as much information as possible in order to properly perform the necessary steps to help out. Still another factor is the timeliness or the untimeliness in grief. If a married couple has lived together for a long time and death takes one of them, then the remaining spouse can enjoy the memories that have been left behind. However, if a vehicle accident takes the life of a spouse then this could be considered untimely. A young husband could die without notice and then the grief will take another route because of the lack of memories. Suicide is another factor in dealing with the issue of the death of a spouse. This is definitely a hard issue to deal with. The surviving spouse could blame himself. In return, anger can build up because of the sense of the feeling of guilt. If divorce is about to happen or has just happened, then the surviving divorcee can also be affected by suicide. A pastor will have a tough time dealing with suicide. God will definitely have to give a pastor comfort in order for him to comfort those who are hurting. PASTORAL EVANGELIZING Single men go through all types of issues. Along the same lines, a pastor will also have to deal with single women because of the issues that they face. A local church will need to have the resources available to help meet the needs of those who are single. Simply put, a pastor is a modifier of the church’s care for the people for whom he represents. The church should also be a haven for the lost. The issue of helping individuals falls under the responsibility known as pastoral care. This is usually reserved for those pastors who have been called by God to serve Him. In addition, those pastors have been ordained by a Bible-believing church and has sought to study the Word of God on a continual basis. Some of the pastors have gone to theological schools in order to help sharpen their pastoral as well as people skills. So, a pastor has to understand his calling that has been placed upon him and takes his position seriously. There are some pastors who specialize in pastoral counseling. These particular individuals focus on this as a major part of their call to serve God in the ministry. Whatever the situation, a pastor must seek to be a Christian-counselor and advisor who guides people according to the Word of God and to follow God’s guidance. There are different resources that a pastor should seek to refer to. Prayer should be one of the foremost resources that a pastor depends upon. When meeting with a single person of the opposite sex, then a pastor needs to be aware of different things. A woman can become too emotional during a counseling session. A pastor needs to be in constant contact with God through prayer. Many temptations are out there and are lurking about. The place where the counseling session is located needs to be in a place where others are around. Another resource is the Bible. God’s Word will instruct a pastor to do the right thing and to follow the right paths. Every time the Bible is studied and read, a pastor will learn something new. There is so much wisdom and strength to be found in the pages of the Holy Bible. Religious literature can also be encouraging. Journals, books, pamphlets, and other religious material are available at book stores and libraries. A pastor should constantly seek to learn something new until the day he dies and sees Jesus Christ face to face. Still yet, a pastor needs to develop his theological thought process. This means that a pastor needs to know where he stands on different issues. A pastor needs to be able to have compassion while at the same time be willing to take stands on Christian theological positions. Some other resources could include interviews with people who have walked in the shoes of different styles of problems. A pastor can even attend clinical pastoral training classes in order to sharpen up on his skills of counseling. Seminaries and colleges offer different academic courses that can be taken over a semester or even over a shorter period of time. A pastor may even need to attend therapy classes in order to relieve the stress that he may come under. People after people sharing their problems can and probably will take a toll on a pastor’s mind and body. It is very important to properly deal with his own physical, spiritual, and mental dealings before trying to deal with others. After this, then he can help others deal with their own problems. There are so many other resources that a pastor can refer to but it will just have to be revealed to him in different ways. The area of singles can be a tough area to deal with. This particular group of people seem to go through quite a bit of problems. Everyone has been single at least once in their lifetime. CONCLUSION This is a major trend in the church today. In the opinion of this student, there are some churches who are neglecting singles. The needs of this group of people is tremendous. Counseling is just one part of it. Many pastors do not take enough time to sharpen up on their counseling skills. This should not be so. There are real people every Sunday sitting in the congregation who have real needs. A pastor should be a shepherd to his flock that has been entrusted to him by God. A shepherd does not just merely lead the flock. Instead, a pastor who has a shepherd’s heart will desire to do whatever it takes in order to protect, guide, lead, and nourish those in his flock. In order to do this, a pastor needs to learn from the ultimate Shepherd with is Jesus Christ. Christ might also impress upon a pastor’s heart the idea of getting proper staff people who can minister to this neglected group. In just about every single church there are a tremendous number of singles. A church should not seek to reach just families but should also have a burden for singles. Throughout Jesus’ earthly ministry, Jesus dealt with people’s physical needs as well as with their spiritual needs. There were all types of people who were brought to Jesus. At times, his disciples and others tried to rebuke those who were too sick to come to Jesus. Since a counselor is an adviser, Jesus did just that. Isaiah writes that Jesus’ name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, and the Prince of Peace (Is. 9:6). Jesus brought about peace to the lives of people who needed it. That is what a counselor should seek to do. Peace is missing in the lives and hearts of people. A pastor should seek to introduce people to the True Peace that Jesus Christ has to offer. By sharing their own testimonies, a pastor can show others how God has worked in his own life (Ps. 119:24). The Bible says the following in Proverbs 11:14: “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” If a pastor does not keep confidentiality and confidence in a Godly way, then he can cause pain and hurt to others. Proverbs 25:29, “Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.” People need to properly deal with the issues that are faced every single day in life. A pastor can either help bring comfort or either bring more pain to the situation. A dentist offers help for those who have teeth and mouth problems. There are times when a dentist has to bring pain for a little while in order to help an individual feel better later. While the dentist is doing a procedure he tries to comfort his patient as he goes. In the same sense, a pastor needs to counsel those in such a way to realize that the outcome will try to help the situation get better. In all that a pastor does, he needs to bring Glory and Honor and Praise to God. When a pastor accepts the call to the ministry, he must be willing to help people. God can do amazing things through those who are willing to stand up and step up to the plate. There is nothing that God cannot do because all things are possible . Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” |
| Copyright 2005-2008 Dr. Jad Khalaf, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved |
| "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." II Timothy 2:15 |
| Dr. Jad Khalaf |