| Copyright 2005-2007 Jad Khalaf. All Rights Reserved |
| Copyright 2005-2008 Dr. Jad Khalaf, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved |
| "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." II Timothy 2:15 |
| Dr. Jad Khalaf |
"A CHRISTIAN’S JOURNEY THAT WILL ALLOW GOD TO WRITE A-ONE-OF-A-KIND LOVE STORY"
BY
JAD J. KHALAF
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION 1
Research Problem 1
Delimitations 2
Determining Authors for Research 2
Summary of Each Chapter 3
Definitions 3
WHAT REALLY MATTERS IN LIFE? 4
The World Says . . . 4
Jesus Says . . . 5
Summary 7
GOD’S WORD: OBEDIENCE – THE JOYFUL WAY 8
Submission is Non-negotiable 8
God Wants the Love Life 9
The Joy of a Relationship 10
The Result: Peace and the Fruit of the Spirit 11
Summary 12
SELFLESS DESIRE: BENEFIT THE OTHER PERSON 13
Broken Bread and Thousands Fed 13
Feed the Friendship Through Selflessness 14
Selflessness, Godly Wisdom, and Courtship 15
Wisdom Urges Patience in a Relationship 15
Wisdom Pursues a Purposeful Relationship 16
Wisdom Says Base Emotions and Perceptions in Reality 18
Summary 19
COURTSHIP: HUMBLE EMBRACE OF COMMUNITY 20
Choosing a Team 20
Parents Make Good Teammates 20
Other Teammates 21
Benefits of a Community of Teammates 22
Sense of Reality 22
Protection 23
Accountability 24
Outcome 24
Summary 25
COMMITMENT TO GUARD THE SACREDNESS OF SEX 26
“The One Rule” 26
Consequence of Breaking “The One Rule”: Scarred Emotions 27
Finding Forgiveness for Breaking “The One Rule” 28
Living a Sexually Pure Life 29
Summary 30
A DEEP SATISFACTION IN GOD 32
Complete in Christ 32
The Importance of Prayer 33
Summary 34
CONCLUSION 35
BIBLIOGRAPHY 36
INTRODUCTION
A Christian’s journey that will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story involves letting go and letting
God lead. God will give a Christian the desires of their heart. Psalm 37:4-5 says, “(4) Delight thyself also
in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (5) Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust
also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”
Many Christians desire for God to send them the love of their life. They have dated time and again. Each
time a Christian breaks up a dating relationship, they seem to be disappointed and sad. God has the
desire to become the Author of writing a Christian’s love story, if they will allow Him.
Research Problem
The research problem in this paper will focus on a Christian’s journey that will allow God to write a-one-of-
a-kind love story. What does every single person long for in life? How does a person become a
Christian? What are the essential elements in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex? What is
a Christian’s roadmap in life?
Does God want total control of a Christian’s love life? Can a Christian be selfish in a relationship? What
is the purpose of first being friends? What is Godly wisdom? What is courtship and its meaning? Does
family and friends have to be involved in the relationship? How far is too far physically? Is sex outside
marriage really that bad? What if a Christian has committed sex outside marriage? Can a Christian
individual find completeness in another person? Why should a Christian allow God to write a-one-of-a-
kind love story for them?
Delimitations
In an attempt to provide insight into the research problem, this paper limited its scope to providing
research in the area of allowing God to write a Christian’s one-of-a-kind love story. Only those Christians
that have written in the area of courting, dating, and purity were considered as research material.
Determining Authors for Research
The authors chosen for the purpose of this paper are Elisabeth Elliot, JoAnna Harris, Joshua Harris, Eric
Ludy, Leslie Ludy, and Ravie Zacharias. Each author chosen has either written or co-written at least one
book in the area of courting, dating, and purity. Their books offer advice, insight, and opinions on allowing
God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story.
Summary of Each Chapter
Chapter one will discuss what really matters in life. The second chapter explores obedience to God’s
Word the joyful way. Chapter three studies the selfless desire of benefiting the other person. The fourth
chapter explains Christians in a courtship humbly embracing a community. Chapter five is about
committing to guard the sacredness of sex. The sixth chapter says that a Christian individual can only find
a deep satisfaction in God. The seventh and final chapter provides a conclusion to the paper.
Definitions
The terms Christian individual and Christian refer to an individual that has confessed with the mouth that
Jesus Christ is Lord, believed in their heart that God has raised Jesus Christ from the dead, and
acknowledged that he is a sinner and has come short of God’s glory.
The term courtship refers to a commitment between a Christian male and female to explore the possibility
of marriage. Courtship can also be defined as an old fashioned term that evokes chivalry and romance.
Chivalry can mean loyalty, courtesy, and good manners.
CHAPTER 1
WHAT REALLY MATTERS IN LIFE?
Every single person longs for one thing in life: love. Songs are written and sung about love. Television
shows portray characters that are involved in a love relationship. Movies almost always contain a love
story as part of the plot. Books try to answer questions concerning the issue of love. Magazines contain
articles about love. Internet dating websites provide profiles of singles that are searching for the love of
their life. In the midst of a confusing world, a question seems to be arising: “What really matters in life?”
This chapter will answer that very important question.
The World Says . . .
The world answers the question by telling an individual to do whatever it takes to fulfill one’s self-pleasure
of love. “If it feels good, then just do it,” could sum up the world’s motto. The motto is not limited to
teenagers or adults. Children in grade school are learning about and acting out the world’s motto.
Ten year olds, sometimes even younger, are bombarded with the concept of love’s self-pleasure. These
children are learning about the concept on the playground, at the schoolhouse, from friends, through the
media (i.e. television, movies, newspapers, radio, Internet, and books), by attending parties, and even at
home. The children grow into teenagers. Eventually the teenagers grow up and become adults. The
adults have children and the cycle of love’s self-pleasure continues.
The world’s motto of love’s self-pleasure is an on-going battle that is raging. No one is exempt. Satan is
destroying lives by using the world’s motto. Jesus said Satan is a liar and the father of lies (John 8:44).
Satan has an agenda to destroy every single child, teenager, and adult. The prince of the world (John 14:
30), Satan, is using the world’s motto to fulfill his agenda through warping the real meaning of love.
Jesus Says . . .
Jesus answers the question in Mark 12, “(29b) The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The
Lord our God is one Lord: (30) And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy
soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. (310 And the second
is like, namely this, Thou shall love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater
than these.” Contrary to the world’s motto, Jesus’ motto is to first love God and then love others. An
individual must love God with their entire heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 22:37).
An individual must recognize that they are a sinner (Romans 3:23) in need of a Savior. God loves each
person so much that He gave His Son Jesus Christ as a sacrifice for every single sinner (John 3:16 and
Romans 5:8). A sinner has to realize that sin leads to death but Jesus leads to eternal life (Romans 6:
23). Under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, the apostle Paul wrote in Romans 10, “(9) That if thou shalt
confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the
dead, thou shalt be saved. (10) For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth
confession is made unto salvation. (13) For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be
saved.”
A sinner that is saved becomes a follower of Christ, known as a Christian. A Christian individual is
commanded to glorify God in every aspect of life, including their love life (1 Corinthians 10:31). Joshua
Harris says that a Christian desiring to obey the command and glorify God in their love life will find the
following essential elements present in their relationship with a member of the opposite sex: 1.) Joyful
obedience to God’s Word; 2.) The selfless desire to do what’s best for the other person; 3.) The humble
embrace of community; 4.) A commitment to guard the sacredness of sex; and 5.) A deep satisfaction in
God. The essential elements will be expressed differently in each life but will be present.
Summary
Satan is destroying lives by lying and using the world’s motto to warp the real meaning of love. God loves
the world and desires to save lives through His Son Jesus Christ. Only Jesus Christ can bring real
meaning to love because He gave His life for each individual. The only way to begin a journey that will
allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story is to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, the
Author of love.
CHAPTER 2
GOD’S WORD: OBEDIENCE – THE JOYFUL WAY
God’s Word, the Bible, is a Christian’s roadmap in life. Throughout the pages of the Bible, God gives
instructions and commands. A Christian should desire to obey God’s Word (i.e. instructions, commands,
etc.) and do so with joy in their lives. The joyful obedience is the first of the five elements in a journey that
will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story. This chapter will provide insight into joyfully obeying
God’s Word.
Submission is Non-negotiable
Submission to the Bible is non-negotiable. Deuteronomy 4:2, “Ye shall not add unto the word which I
command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD
your God which I command you.” The desire to submit to the Bible comes from a willing and loving heart
(John 14:15).
A life submitted to Christ requires Him moving in and self moving out. Christ takes over every thought,
desire, weakness, thorn in the flesh, and attitude. A Christian may find it difficult to relinquish total control
to Christ and the Holy Spirit. The selfish desires of the flesh constantly fight against the Holy Spirit
(Galatians 5:17). The Bible instructs a Christian to walk in the Holy Spirit and not to walk according to the
selfish desires (Galatians 5:16).
God Wants the Love Life
God wants total control of a Christian’s love life. A Christian that surrenders their love life to Christ will find
that it will cost them everything. Each day a Christian must deny themselves, take up their cross, and
follow Christ (Luke 9:23). To give up one’s life means that life will be discovered through following Christ
(John 12:25-26). Jim Elliot, a missionary that died for the cause of Christ, stated, “He is no fool who gives
what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
A Christian wants Christ to reveal definite answers to every question that is asked. Definite answers (i.e.
tell who, how, and when) take away total dependence on Christ. Non-definite answers (i.e. does not tell
who, how, and when) to a Christian’s question comes about through faith and dependence on Christ. A
Christian’s love life must be handed over to Christ through faith and dependence on Him. Christ takes
over and becomes the Author of a Christian’s love life. The pen is now in Christ’s hand.
A Christian can completely rely on Christ to mold and prepare them for their future spouse. Do not try to
conform Christ into daily areas of life (i.e. friendship with a member of the opposite sex). Instead, conform
daily areas of life around Christ. Focus on Christ, get to know Him in an intimate way, and do not focus on
the friendship with a member of the opposite sex. Forget about abiding by a certain formula or living by a
list of man-made rules when it comes to a member of the opposite sex. Sincerely and whole-heartedly
chose to passionately love Christ. Ask the following question, “How far can I possibly go to bring joy to the
heart of my heavenly Father in this area of my life?”
The Joy of a Relationship
God is the Designer of a relationship. A Christian that joyfully obeys the Bible can enjoy the amazing gift
of a relationship, courtship, and marriage. God brought Adam and Eve, the first man and woman that
enjoyed the gift of marriage, together. Since then, men and women have experienced the joy of
friendship, courtship, and marriage. A Christian’s heart must trust God to prepare and guide them to go
from the friendship stage to the courtship stage and then enter into the marriage stage. Until God leads
from the friendship stage to the courtship stage, a Christian needs to enjoy the friendship stage of a
relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Patiently wait on the Lord to guide, direct, and provide a
clear direction for the relationship.
The Result: Peace and the Fruit of the Spirit
The result of a Christian’s willingness to follow Christ is peace and the fruit of the Spirit. Rejoice in the
Lord, bring prayer requests before Christ, and do so with thanksgiving. The outcome is peace that
passes all understanding (Philippians 4:4-7). Christ’s peace leads a Christian to live a life fulfilled with the
fruit of the Spirit. The Bible says in Galatians 5:22-23, “(22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, (23) Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”
Summary
A Christian’s roadmap in life leads to a life totally surrendered to Christ. The surrendered life, including
the love life area, results in Christ penning a joyful and fulfilling journey. Joyful peace and the fruit of the
Spirit are brought about as a result to obedience to God’s Word.
CHAPTER 3
SELFLESS DESIRE: BENEFIT THE OTHER PERSON
Jesus says, “And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise” (Luke 6:31). Christ
gives the command to live a selfless life. The second element in a journey that will allow God to write a-
one-of-a-kind love story is the selfless desire to benefit the other person by doing what is best. This
chapter will provide some ideas to implement the second element.
Broken Bread and Thousands Fed
The Gospel according to John tells a story about thousands of hungry people, five loaves of bread, two
fishes, and one lad. Jesus Christ walked up a mountain with His disciples. Thousands of people followed
Him because they were eager to see Him. As the day progressed, Jesus asked His disciples where they
were going to find food to feed the hungry people. Philip said that two hundred pennyworth of bread could
not meet the need. At this time, a young lad was going about his day. The young lad had five loaves of
bread and two fishes. Andrew, the one that brought the young lad to Christ, asked how the bread and
fishes were going to feed so many people. Jesus knew exactly what was about to take place.
The young lad was selfless and had a desire to do what was best for other people, so he gave Jesus the
bread and fishes. The bread was broken and the fishes were multiplied. In the end, every single person
that was present received enough food to eat. Elisabeth Elliot recalls a chapel speaker, Ruth Stull, make
the following statement, “If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude,
while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad.”
Feed the Friendship Through Selflessness
Christ used the feeding of thousands to teach about friendship through the act of selflessness. The lad
was willing to set aside his needs so that others could benefit. He realized that watching out for the needs
of another individual resulted in pleasing Christ.
In a friendship with a member of the opposite sex, a Christian needs to always have the other person’s
best interest in mind. The following questions can assist in determining acts of selflessness: “Is starting
the relationship best for him?”; “Are my actions encouraging her to love God more?”; “Am I communicating
clearly and in a way that helps him?”; and “Will kissing her be what is best for her in the long run?”
Selflessness, Godly Wisdom, and Courtship
A single Christian can strengthen their acts of selflessness in a relationship with a member of the opposite
sex through Godly wisdom. Proverbs 4:5-7 says, “(5) Get wisdom, get understanding; neither decline from
the words of my mouth. (6) Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep
thee. (7) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get
understanding.” Wisdom comes by fearing the Lord (Proverbs 9:10). The art of patience, pursuing a
purposeful relationship, and basing emotions in reality are ways in which wisdom can strengthen
selflessness.
Wisdom Urges Patience in a Relationship
A single Christian interested in a member of the opposite sex needs to learn about patience. Wisdom
urges patience (Proverbs 19:11). Patience is important in determining the right time to start a relationship
and unfurl at a healthy pace.
A patient Christian that waits on Christ is expressing their faithfulness in Him (Psalm 38:15). The
faithfulness can result in God sending the right person at the right time to begin a relationship that can
lead to marriage. A Christian must take their time and savor the friendship with the opposite sex.
An impatient Christian can quickly turn a relationship from friendship to romance without commitment. The
quickness prevents the individuals from enjoying God’s unfolding love story. This leads towards emotional
and physical intimacy.
Wisdom Pursues a Purposeful Relationship
A Christian male and female that both feel God is moving their relationship from friendship to courtship will
want to pursue a purposeful relationship built upon wisdom. The term courtship is not about a list of rules
and regulations. It is an old fashioned term that evokes chivalry (i.e. loyalty, courtesy, and good manners)
and romance. Courtship can be defined as a time in the relationship a male and female can seriously
pursue the possibility of marriage. The individuals are committing that they will not play games with each
other’s hearts but will be honest in expressing their feelings.
The season of courtship can allow the friendship to strengthen and deepen. Each individual can spend
quality time learning about the other’s values and goals. Interaction on a spiritual level can grow and take
place. The time spent during courtship can grow the individuals closer to each other. The purpose is
clear: Find out if God desires the individuals to get married. This is done through sound wisdom and
discretion (Proverbs 3:21). “(5) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding. (6) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths,” states Proverbs 3:5-6.
The season of courtship should be a time when physical intimacy is refrained. Physical intimacy can
detour the relationship from its purpose. Individuals that become romantically involved do so just to have
a good time and are considered foolish. Proverbs 7 tells the story of a man and woman that are not
married acting foolish all night long. “(18) Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace
ourselves with loves. (21) With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips
she forced him,” states Proverbs 7:18 and 21.
Wisdom Says Base Emotions and Perceptions in Reality
The season of courtship needs to be a time that each individual wisely base his or her emotions and
perceptions in reality. Emotions can be described as, “A physical expression of how we perceive the
status of something that we value. Anger, gladness, fear, sadness, joy, jealousy, hatred are all
combinations of our perception and our values.”
Do not rush the emotions on perception. Inaccurate information about the other individual can cause a
false sense of knowledge. The false knowledge can lead to a fantasy relationship were the individuals do
not know each other’s real values, motives, and goals. Emotions based on perception are acts of
foolishness. Proverbs 19:2-3, “(2) Also, that the soul be without knowledge, it is not good; and he that
hasteth with his feet sinneth. (3) The foolishness of man perverteth his way: and his heart fretteth against
the LORD.”
The relationship’s values need to be Godly and the perceptions of the other person need to be as
accurate as possible. Appropriate and healthy emotions will be the result. Spend time around each other’
s families, friends, church settings, and other real-life settings. Observe their actions, reactions,
decisions, emotions, and communications in these real-life settings. This will result in accurate and factual
information concerning the other person’s emotions and perceptions.
Summary
The selfless desire to benefit the other person by doing what is best is the second element in a journey
that will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story. The lad’s broken bread that fed thousands is an
illustration of selflessness benefiting the other person. The selfless action of the lad pleased Christ.
In a relationship with a member of the opposite sex, always keep their best interest in mind through the act
of selflessness. Selflessness needs to be based on Godly wisdom. Godly wisdom urges patience in a
relationship, pursues a purposeful relationship called courtship, and bases emotions and perceptions in
reality.
CHAPTER 4
COURTSHIP: HUMBLE EMBRACE OF COMMUNITY
Courtship needs the support and involvement of family, friends, pastors, and others. Proverbs 12:15
says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” The third
element in a journey that will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story is the humble embrace of
community.
Choosing a Team
Individuals desiring courtship that possibly leads to marriage need to develop a team. The team should
be made up of Godly individuals that can provide accountability, perspective into the relationship,
confirmation, and wisdom in discerning God’s will. The team can consist of parents, family members,
friends, pastors, and others.
Parents Make Good Teammates
Godly parents make good teammates because they can offer wisdom, guidance, honesty, prayer,
accountability, and their blessing on the relationship. God gave parents. Their God-given wisdom can be
cherished, appreciated, and honored (Exodus 20:12). The decision to heed parents’ wisdom honors God
(Proverbs 23:22-25). Ravi Zacharias states, “The chances are that if you marry somebody in violation of
your parents’ will, you are playing a high-stakes game as you enter the future. Any time you violate an
authority that has been put in place by God, you need to be twice as sure you are doing the right thing.”
Other Teammates
Some individuals are blessed with Godly parents. There are many individuals that have no relationship
with one or both parent. Either way, individuals pursuing courtship need other teammates. God promises
that He is a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). He provides members of the body of Christ that can
participate as teammates.
A pastor, minister, grandmother, grandfather, mentor, friend, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, brother-in-law,
sister-in-law, Sunday school teacher, respective adult, and teacher can all be participants on the team.
These people should be Godly, filled with God-given wisdom, supportive, caring, and who dearly love at
least one individual involved in the relationship. Their participation should include as much day-to-day
insight as possible into the reality of the courtship. The teammates can see life from the outside and
provide honest suggestions that are healthy to each individual in the relationship. Proverbs 15:22 states,
“Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established.”
Benefits of a Community of Teammates
Individuals in a courtship need encouragement and strength from their community of teammates. The
courtship is a commitment to explore the possibility of marriage. Three important things that a community
of teammates provides during courtship are: 1.) Sense of Reality; 2.) Protection; and 3.) Accountability.
Sense of Reality
A community of teammates provides a sense of reality. Courtship’s emotions and feelings can cloud the
accuracy of reality. One benefit of reality is an outside view of the relationship. If one or more teammates
notice an area of concern, then the matter can be addressed in an appropriate way. Another benefit of
reality is the real-life observations of each individual in the relationship. One-on-one time spent together
is good. This time does not accurately provide a picture of each individual. Balance the time spent in one-
on-one settings and settings with the teammates.
Time must be spent in the company of teammates in real-life settings. Theses settings can provide
observations into each other’s temperaments, abilities, behaviors, attitudes, and values. As time
progresses, each individual in the relationship can begin to get to know who each other really is. Ask
each teammate to provide reality checks, comments, suggestions, opinions, and counsel sessions as the
relationship moves forward towards the possibility of marriage.
Protection
A community of teammates can provide protection, especially for the woman. A woman tends to be more
vulnerable than a man. The woman involved in courtship needs to have Godly men in her life to protect
her from emotional abuse, physical abuse, mistreatment, and being with the wrong man. The male
teammates can serve as protectors, leaders, and encouragers.
Accountability
A community of teammates can provide accountability. Accountability challenges the individuals in the
courtship to live righteously, question certain actions, inquire about convictions, and not be deceived by
the heart. Jeremiah 17:9 states, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can
know it?”
The heart can be deceitful. Christian teammates can help a courtship remain sexually, mentally,
emotionally, and physically pure. They can ask questions: “How is your behavior?”; “What have the two
of you been doing lately?”; “Why are you spending so much time alone with each other?”; “Have you been
seeking the Lord in prayer and Bible reading on a daily basis?”; and “Does your actions honor and glorify
Christ?”
Outcome
The outcome of embracing and having a community of teammates can multiply the joy of the individuals in
the courtship. The joy can bring excitement and closeness to everyone involved. Each individual in the
courtship can be confident that they are obeying and honoring God. If the courtship leads to marriage,
then the wedding will be a shared celebration with teammates and attendees. The wedding will be a
wonderful memory that will be shared throughout the years and serve as an example to others.
Summary
Courtship needs the support and involvement of Godly family, friends, pastors, and others. These
individuals can serve as a community of teammates. The teammates can provide a sense of reality,
protection, and accountability during the courtship. The outcome of a community of teammates can be
joyful and God-honoring.
CHAPTER 5
COMMITMENT TO GUARD THE SACREDNESS OF SEX
Individuals involved in courtship need to view sex as a precious gift from God that is reserved for
marriage. They should seek to honor and glorify God with their bodies. The fourth element in allowing
God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story is the commitment to guard the sacredness of sex. Ephesians 5:3
says, “But fornication, and all uncleaness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as
becometh saints.”
“The One Rule”
Chastity means abstaining from sexual activity. One rule for Christians: “Total abstention from sexual
activity outside of marriage and total faithfulness inside marriage” (Proverbs 5 and 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:
2). This rule is not up for negotiation, discussion, or alteration.
Sexual desire is God-given and natural. Satan seeks to distort the sexual desire by deceiving individuals
into thinking that anything physically done outside the context of marriage feels good and is not bad. The
deception may be as follows, “God gave the sexual desire, so go ahead and give in to the desire. He will
understand. By the way, every one is doing it. You do not want to be the ‘only one’ to wait until marriage!
What will your friends say? What will your date think about you?” Many Christian individuals believe
Satan’s lie. They are without honor and dignity.
Consequence of Breaking “The One Rule”: Scarred Emotions
Emotions play a very important role in not abstaining from sexual activity. A Christian individual that
breaks “the one rule” will pay the consequence through their scarred emotions. Emotions can cause the
sin and then the emotions are scarred as a result of the sin.
King David is an example of suffering from emotional breakdown because of breaking “the one rule.” 2
Samuel 11-12 recalls the story of King David committing murder and adultery. Bathsheba was home alone
bathing while her husband Uriah was out fighting a battle. King David saw, starred, and lusted after
Bathsheba. His emotions took over. He committed adultery with Bathsheba, killed Uriah, lost the child
Bathsheba conceived, and was scarred for the rest of his life. Psalm 51 contains King David’s plea for
forgiveness, for cleansing, praise for forgiveness, and a broken heart. King David suffered greatly
because he listened to his emotions and broke “the one rule.”
Sexual sin is horrifying and breaks the heart of God. Once sexual sin has been committed, an individual
destroys the natural order of love. If sexual sin has been committed, then remorse should be felt.
Finding Forgiveness for Breaking “The One Rule”
Many Christians have broken “the one rule.” Some may ask the following questions: “Have I messed up
my life for good?”; “Does God still love me?”; “Can I ever be forgiven?”; and “Can I make a decision to
remain sexually pure from this moment on?” The answer to these questions is found in the cross of Christ.
Jesus Christ died on the cross for the sin of man. A Christian that accepts Christ into their heart and life
receive forgiveness of sin. No, life is not messed up for good (Jeremiah 29:11). Yes, God still loves His
child (2 Corinthians 5:17-18). Ask Christ to forgive against the sexually committed sin (1 John 1:9). Make
a decision, with Christ’s help and strength, to remain sexually pure until marriage (Philippians 4:13). Do
not hide the sin from Christ. Confess the sin, ask for forgiveness, and become white as snow. Repent
and turn from the sin. Christ can take the broken and shattered life and write a beautiful story because of
His perfect love (Luke 15:11-24).
Living a Sexually Pure Life
The first chapter of the book of James offers insight into temptation. A Christian striving to live a sexually
pure life needs to understand how temptation works. First of all, Satan makes temptation feel natural and
good (James 1:14). The lust of the eye, heart, emotions, and thoughts tempt a Christian to sin (James 1:
14-15). The eye is called the window of the soul. It can seduce a Christian. To avoid the eye’s seduction
trap, a Christian needs to train the eye to behold only things that are pleasing to Christ.
The eye can lead to the temptation of touch. A Christian needs to be cautious when touching a member
of the opposite sex, especially during courtship. Take the temptation of touch very seriously. The
courtship will bring about times when the two individuals are alone. Be careful that the temptation of touch
does not present a problem during the alone times. A good idea to think about is never be totally alone.
The individuals may spend time talking at each other’s house. Make sure that someone else is at the
house. Romans 13:13-14 states, “(13) Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and
drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. (14) But put ye on the Lord
Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”
Purity is not just about lustful thoughts, lustful actions, and inappropriate relationships. Purity is about
living a pure life with the presence of Christ indwelling a Christian. A Christian’s body is the temple of the
Lord. Christ paid the ultimate price for sin, death on the cross. A Christian is bought with a price, the
blood of Christ. Purity can be seen as glorifying God in body and spirit every second, minute, and hour of
every single day (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).
Summary
Individuals in a courtship need to make a commitment to guard the sacredness of sex until marriage. The
consequence of breaking the sacredness of sex is scarred emotions. A Christian that has given in to the
temptation of sex outside of marriage can find forgiveness only in the cross of Christ. Strive to live a
sexually pure life by understanding the lust of the eye, the temptation of touch, and the desire to glorify
Christ every single day.
CHAPTER 6
A DEEP SATISFACTION IN GOD
Christian individuals in a courtship need to each find a deep satisfaction in God. Each individual must
come to the realization that only God, not each other, can fill the deep desire of the soul’s longing for
satisfaction (1 Timothy 6:6). The fifth and final element in allowing God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story
is a deep satisfaction in God.
Complete in Christ
A Christian individual that seeks completeness in another person will become brokenhearted and empty.
Only Jesus Christ can complete a person. An individual needs to realize that he is a creation of God.
God made him the way he is. God created an individual’s physical makeup, mentality, voice, and soul.
The God of all things accepts an individual just the way he is. A Christian individual will never be
abandoned, betrayed, or rejected by Christ. Hebrews 13:5-6 states, “(5) Let your conversation be without
covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor
forsake thee. (6) So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do
unto me.”
The Importance of Prayer
Genesis 24 tells the story of Isaac and Rebekah. God had prepared Rebekah for the journey to meet
Isaac. She was content with her life and going about daily living. Isaac spent time meditating and praying
to God. He probably prayed for his wife-to-be, not knowing who she is or when she will arrive. Eliezer,
Abraham’s servant, was on his way back from his journey and was bringing Rebekah home to meet her
new husband Isaac. At even tide, Isaac went out to meditate and pray in the field. Rebekah’s first glimpse
of Isaac was seeing him pray.
A Christian individual needs to spend time every single day on his knees meditating and praying to God.
The prayer life is the key to communicating with God. Prayer to God builds character and honors Him.
Humility is demonstrated through prayer and a brokenness to genuinely allow God to shape and form an
individual. A Christian stands tall when he is on his knees in prayer before God.
Summary
A deep satisfaction in God, not in another individual, will bring completeness in a Christian’s life. Christ will
never leave or forsake His child. Spend time on the knees in prayer before God. This will allow a
Christian to stand tall.
CHAPTER 7
CONCLUSION
The purpose of this paper was to focus on a Christian’s journey that will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind
love story. A variety of questions were explored. Questions such as “What does every single person long
for in life?”, “Does God want total control of a Christian’s love life?”, “How far is too far physically?”, and
“Why should a Christian allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story for them?”
The research intended to lead a Christian to allow God to write their love story according to His will and
way. Courtship between a Christian man and woman allows time for each individual to allow God to work
in their lives and explore the possibility of marriage. A Christian man and woman can allow God to write
their love story through studying God’s Word, being involved in a community of teammates, valuing the
sacredness of sex, and finding a deep satisfaction in God.
God desires to pen the one-of-a-kind love story. Prayerfully this research paper has provided insight into
doing just that, turning the love life over to God. If the courtship leads to marriage, the wedding can be a
wonderful memory that will be shared throughout the years.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Elliot, Elisabeth. Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control. Grand
Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 2002.
________. Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity. Grand Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 1996.
________. Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. San Francisco: HarperCollins,
1979.
The Holy Bible. Authorized King James Version; Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1999.
Harris, JoAnna. You Didn't Complete Me: When "the One" Turns Out to be Just Someone. Nashville: W
Publishing Group, 2004.
Harris, Joshua. Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship. Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah Publishers, Inc., 2000.
Ludy, Eric and Leslie. When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to guy/girl relationships.
Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah Publishers, 2004.
________. Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation: The Ultimate Guide for Parents. Nashville: W
Publishing Group, 2005.
Zacharias, Ravi. I, Isaac, take Thee, Rebekah: Moving from Romance to Lasting Love. Nashville: W
Publishing Group, 2004.
BY
JAD J. KHALAF
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION 1
Research Problem 1
Delimitations 2
Determining Authors for Research 2
Summary of Each Chapter 3
Definitions 3
WHAT REALLY MATTERS IN LIFE? 4
The World Says . . . 4
Jesus Says . . . 5
Summary 7
GOD’S WORD: OBEDIENCE – THE JOYFUL WAY 8
Submission is Non-negotiable 8
God Wants the Love Life 9
The Joy of a Relationship 10
The Result: Peace and the Fruit of the Spirit 11
Summary 12
SELFLESS DESIRE: BENEFIT THE OTHER PERSON 13
Broken Bread and Thousands Fed 13
Feed the Friendship Through Selflessness 14
Selflessness, Godly Wisdom, and Courtship 15
Wisdom Urges Patience in a Relationship 15
Wisdom Pursues a Purposeful Relationship 16
Wisdom Says Base Emotions and Perceptions in Reality 18
Summary 19
COURTSHIP: HUMBLE EMBRACE OF COMMUNITY 20
Choosing a Team 20
Parents Make Good Teammates 20
Other Teammates 21
Benefits of a Community of Teammates 22
Sense of Reality 22
Protection 23
Accountability 24
Outcome 24
Summary 25
COMMITMENT TO GUARD THE SACREDNESS OF SEX 26
“The One Rule” 26
Consequence of Breaking “The One Rule”: Scarred Emotions 27
Finding Forgiveness for Breaking “The One Rule” 28
Living a Sexually Pure Life 29
Summary 30
A DEEP SATISFACTION IN GOD 32
Complete in Christ 32
The Importance of Prayer 33
Summary 34
CONCLUSION 35
BIBLIOGRAPHY 36
INTRODUCTION
A Christian’s journey that will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story involves letting go and letting
God lead. God will give a Christian the desires of their heart. Psalm 37:4-5 says, “(4) Delight thyself also
in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. (5) Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust
also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.”
Many Christians desire for God to send them the love of their life. They have dated time and again. Each
time a Christian breaks up a dating relationship, they seem to be disappointed and sad. God has the
desire to become the Author of writing a Christian’s love story, if they will allow Him.
Research Problem
The research problem in this paper will focus on a Christian’s journey that will allow God to write a-one-of-
a-kind love story. What does every single person long for in life? How does a person become a
Christian? What are the essential elements in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex? What is
a Christian’s roadmap in life?
Does God want total control of a Christian’s love life? Can a Christian be selfish in a relationship? What
is the purpose of first being friends? What is Godly wisdom? What is courtship and its meaning? Does
family and friends have to be involved in the relationship? How far is too far physically? Is sex outside
marriage really that bad? What if a Christian has committed sex outside marriage? Can a Christian
individual find completeness in another person? Why should a Christian allow God to write a-one-of-a-
kind love story for them?
Delimitations
In an attempt to provide insight into the research problem, this paper limited its scope to providing
research in the area of allowing God to write a Christian’s one-of-a-kind love story. Only those Christians
that have written in the area of courting, dating, and purity were considered as research material.
Determining Authors for Research
The authors chosen for the purpose of this paper are Elisabeth Elliot, JoAnna Harris, Joshua Harris, Eric
Ludy, Leslie Ludy, and Ravie Zacharias. Each author chosen has either written or co-written at least one
book in the area of courting, dating, and purity. Their books offer advice, insight, and opinions on allowing
God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story.
Summary of Each Chapter
Chapter one will discuss what really matters in life. The second chapter explores obedience to God’s
Word the joyful way. Chapter three studies the selfless desire of benefiting the other person. The fourth
chapter explains Christians in a courtship humbly embracing a community. Chapter five is about
committing to guard the sacredness of sex. The sixth chapter says that a Christian individual can only find
a deep satisfaction in God. The seventh and final chapter provides a conclusion to the paper.
Definitions
The terms Christian individual and Christian refer to an individual that has confessed with the mouth that
Jesus Christ is Lord, believed in their heart that God has raised Jesus Christ from the dead, and
acknowledged that he is a sinner and has come short of God’s glory.
The term courtship refers to a commitment between a Christian male and female to explore the possibility
of marriage. Courtship can also be defined as an old fashioned term that evokes chivalry and romance.
Chivalry can mean loyalty, courtesy, and good manners.
CHAPTER 1
WHAT REALLY MATTERS IN LIFE?
Every single person longs for one thing in life: love. Songs are written and sung about love. Television
shows portray characters that are involved in a love relationship. Movies almost always contain a love
story as part of the plot. Books try to answer questions concerning the issue of love. Magazines contain
articles about love. Internet dating websites provide profiles of singles that are searching for the love of
their life. In the midst of a confusing world, a question seems to be arising: “What really matters in life?”
This chapter will answer that very important question.
The World Says . . .
The world answers the question by telling an individual to do whatever it takes to fulfill one’s self-pleasure
of love. “If it feels good, then just do it,” could sum up the world’s motto. The motto is not limited to
teenagers or adults. Children in grade school are learning about and acting out the world’s motto.
Ten year olds, sometimes even younger, are bombarded with the concept of love’s self-pleasure. These
children are learning about the concept on the playground, at the schoolhouse, from friends, through the
media (i.e. television, movies, newspapers, radio, Internet, and books), by attending parties, and even at
home. The children grow into teenagers. Eventually the teenagers grow up and become adults. The
adults have children and the cycle of love’s self-pleasure continues.
The world’s motto of love’s self-pleasure is an on-going battle that is raging. No one is exempt. Satan is
destroying lives by using the world’s motto. Jesus said Satan is a liar and the father of lies (John 8:44).
Satan has an agenda to destroy every single child, teenager, and adult. The prince of the world (John 14:
30), Satan, is using the world’s motto to fulfill his agenda through warping the real meaning of love.
Jesus Says . . .
Jesus answers the question in Mark 12, “(29b) The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The
Lord our God is one Lord: (30) And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy
soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. (310 And the second
is like, namely this, Thou shall love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater
than these.” Contrary to the world’s motto, Jesus’ motto is to first love God and then love others. An
individual must love God with their entire heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 22:37).
An individual must recognize that they are a sinner (Romans 3:23) in need of a Savior. God loves each
person so much that He gave His Son Jesus Christ as a sacrifice for every single sinner (John 3:16 and
Romans 5:8). A sinner has to realize that sin leads to death but Jesus leads to eternal life (Romans 6:
23). Under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, the apostle Paul wrote in Romans 10, “(9) That if thou shalt
confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the
dead, thou shalt be saved. (10) For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth
confession is made unto salvation. (13) For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be
saved.”
A sinner that is saved becomes a follower of Christ, known as a Christian. A Christian individual is
commanded to glorify God in every aspect of life, including their love life (1 Corinthians 10:31). Joshua
Harris says that a Christian desiring to obey the command and glorify God in their love life will find the
following essential elements present in their relationship with a member of the opposite sex: 1.) Joyful
obedience to God’s Word; 2.) The selfless desire to do what’s best for the other person; 3.) The humble
embrace of community; 4.) A commitment to guard the sacredness of sex; and 5.) A deep satisfaction in
God. The essential elements will be expressed differently in each life but will be present.
Summary
Satan is destroying lives by lying and using the world’s motto to warp the real meaning of love. God loves
the world and desires to save lives through His Son Jesus Christ. Only Jesus Christ can bring real
meaning to love because He gave His life for each individual. The only way to begin a journey that will
allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story is to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, the
Author of love.
CHAPTER 2
GOD’S WORD: OBEDIENCE – THE JOYFUL WAY
God’s Word, the Bible, is a Christian’s roadmap in life. Throughout the pages of the Bible, God gives
instructions and commands. A Christian should desire to obey God’s Word (i.e. instructions, commands,
etc.) and do so with joy in their lives. The joyful obedience is the first of the five elements in a journey that
will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story. This chapter will provide insight into joyfully obeying
God’s Word.
Submission is Non-negotiable
Submission to the Bible is non-negotiable. Deuteronomy 4:2, “Ye shall not add unto the word which I
command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD
your God which I command you.” The desire to submit to the Bible comes from a willing and loving heart
(John 14:15).
A life submitted to Christ requires Him moving in and self moving out. Christ takes over every thought,
desire, weakness, thorn in the flesh, and attitude. A Christian may find it difficult to relinquish total control
to Christ and the Holy Spirit. The selfish desires of the flesh constantly fight against the Holy Spirit
(Galatians 5:17). The Bible instructs a Christian to walk in the Holy Spirit and not to walk according to the
selfish desires (Galatians 5:16).
God Wants the Love Life
God wants total control of a Christian’s love life. A Christian that surrenders their love life to Christ will find
that it will cost them everything. Each day a Christian must deny themselves, take up their cross, and
follow Christ (Luke 9:23). To give up one’s life means that life will be discovered through following Christ
(John 12:25-26). Jim Elliot, a missionary that died for the cause of Christ, stated, “He is no fool who gives
what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
A Christian wants Christ to reveal definite answers to every question that is asked. Definite answers (i.e.
tell who, how, and when) take away total dependence on Christ. Non-definite answers (i.e. does not tell
who, how, and when) to a Christian’s question comes about through faith and dependence on Christ. A
Christian’s love life must be handed over to Christ through faith and dependence on Him. Christ takes
over and becomes the Author of a Christian’s love life. The pen is now in Christ’s hand.
A Christian can completely rely on Christ to mold and prepare them for their future spouse. Do not try to
conform Christ into daily areas of life (i.e. friendship with a member of the opposite sex). Instead, conform
daily areas of life around Christ. Focus on Christ, get to know Him in an intimate way, and do not focus on
the friendship with a member of the opposite sex. Forget about abiding by a certain formula or living by a
list of man-made rules when it comes to a member of the opposite sex. Sincerely and whole-heartedly
chose to passionately love Christ. Ask the following question, “How far can I possibly go to bring joy to the
heart of my heavenly Father in this area of my life?”
The Joy of a Relationship
God is the Designer of a relationship. A Christian that joyfully obeys the Bible can enjoy the amazing gift
of a relationship, courtship, and marriage. God brought Adam and Eve, the first man and woman that
enjoyed the gift of marriage, together. Since then, men and women have experienced the joy of
friendship, courtship, and marriage. A Christian’s heart must trust God to prepare and guide them to go
from the friendship stage to the courtship stage and then enter into the marriage stage. Until God leads
from the friendship stage to the courtship stage, a Christian needs to enjoy the friendship stage of a
relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Patiently wait on the Lord to guide, direct, and provide a
clear direction for the relationship.
The Result: Peace and the Fruit of the Spirit
The result of a Christian’s willingness to follow Christ is peace and the fruit of the Spirit. Rejoice in the
Lord, bring prayer requests before Christ, and do so with thanksgiving. The outcome is peace that
passes all understanding (Philippians 4:4-7). Christ’s peace leads a Christian to live a life fulfilled with the
fruit of the Spirit. The Bible says in Galatians 5:22-23, “(22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, (23) Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”
Summary
A Christian’s roadmap in life leads to a life totally surrendered to Christ. The surrendered life, including
the love life area, results in Christ penning a joyful and fulfilling journey. Joyful peace and the fruit of the
Spirit are brought about as a result to obedience to God’s Word.
CHAPTER 3
SELFLESS DESIRE: BENEFIT THE OTHER PERSON
Jesus says, “And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise” (Luke 6:31). Christ
gives the command to live a selfless life. The second element in a journey that will allow God to write a-
one-of-a-kind love story is the selfless desire to benefit the other person by doing what is best. This
chapter will provide some ideas to implement the second element.
Broken Bread and Thousands Fed
The Gospel according to John tells a story about thousands of hungry people, five loaves of bread, two
fishes, and one lad. Jesus Christ walked up a mountain with His disciples. Thousands of people followed
Him because they were eager to see Him. As the day progressed, Jesus asked His disciples where they
were going to find food to feed the hungry people. Philip said that two hundred pennyworth of bread could
not meet the need. At this time, a young lad was going about his day. The young lad had five loaves of
bread and two fishes. Andrew, the one that brought the young lad to Christ, asked how the bread and
fishes were going to feed so many people. Jesus knew exactly what was about to take place.
The young lad was selfless and had a desire to do what was best for other people, so he gave Jesus the
bread and fishes. The bread was broken and the fishes were multiplied. In the end, every single person
that was present received enough food to eat. Elisabeth Elliot recalls a chapel speaker, Ruth Stull, make
the following statement, “If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because pieces will feed a multitude,
while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad.”
Feed the Friendship Through Selflessness
Christ used the feeding of thousands to teach about friendship through the act of selflessness. The lad
was willing to set aside his needs so that others could benefit. He realized that watching out for the needs
of another individual resulted in pleasing Christ.
In a friendship with a member of the opposite sex, a Christian needs to always have the other person’s
best interest in mind. The following questions can assist in determining acts of selflessness: “Is starting
the relationship best for him?”; “Are my actions encouraging her to love God more?”; “Am I communicating
clearly and in a way that helps him?”; and “Will kissing her be what is best for her in the long run?”
Selflessness, Godly Wisdom, and Courtship
A single Christian can strengthen their acts of selflessness in a relationship with a member of the opposite
sex through Godly wisdom. Proverbs 4:5-7 says, “(5) Get wisdom, get understanding; neither decline from
the words of my mouth. (6) Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep
thee. (7) Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get
understanding.” Wisdom comes by fearing the Lord (Proverbs 9:10). The art of patience, pursuing a
purposeful relationship, and basing emotions in reality are ways in which wisdom can strengthen
selflessness.
Wisdom Urges Patience in a Relationship
A single Christian interested in a member of the opposite sex needs to learn about patience. Wisdom
urges patience (Proverbs 19:11). Patience is important in determining the right time to start a relationship
and unfurl at a healthy pace.
A patient Christian that waits on Christ is expressing their faithfulness in Him (Psalm 38:15). The
faithfulness can result in God sending the right person at the right time to begin a relationship that can
lead to marriage. A Christian must take their time and savor the friendship with the opposite sex.
An impatient Christian can quickly turn a relationship from friendship to romance without commitment. The
quickness prevents the individuals from enjoying God’s unfolding love story. This leads towards emotional
and physical intimacy.
Wisdom Pursues a Purposeful Relationship
A Christian male and female that both feel God is moving their relationship from friendship to courtship will
want to pursue a purposeful relationship built upon wisdom. The term courtship is not about a list of rules
and regulations. It is an old fashioned term that evokes chivalry (i.e. loyalty, courtesy, and good manners)
and romance. Courtship can be defined as a time in the relationship a male and female can seriously
pursue the possibility of marriage. The individuals are committing that they will not play games with each
other’s hearts but will be honest in expressing their feelings.
The season of courtship can allow the friendship to strengthen and deepen. Each individual can spend
quality time learning about the other’s values and goals. Interaction on a spiritual level can grow and take
place. The time spent during courtship can grow the individuals closer to each other. The purpose is
clear: Find out if God desires the individuals to get married. This is done through sound wisdom and
discretion (Proverbs 3:21). “(5) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding. (6) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths,” states Proverbs 3:5-6.
The season of courtship should be a time when physical intimacy is refrained. Physical intimacy can
detour the relationship from its purpose. Individuals that become romantically involved do so just to have
a good time and are considered foolish. Proverbs 7 tells the story of a man and woman that are not
married acting foolish all night long. “(18) Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace
ourselves with loves. (21) With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips
she forced him,” states Proverbs 7:18 and 21.
Wisdom Says Base Emotions and Perceptions in Reality
The season of courtship needs to be a time that each individual wisely base his or her emotions and
perceptions in reality. Emotions can be described as, “A physical expression of how we perceive the
status of something that we value. Anger, gladness, fear, sadness, joy, jealousy, hatred are all
combinations of our perception and our values.”
Do not rush the emotions on perception. Inaccurate information about the other individual can cause a
false sense of knowledge. The false knowledge can lead to a fantasy relationship were the individuals do
not know each other’s real values, motives, and goals. Emotions based on perception are acts of
foolishness. Proverbs 19:2-3, “(2) Also, that the soul be without knowledge, it is not good; and he that
hasteth with his feet sinneth. (3) The foolishness of man perverteth his way: and his heart fretteth against
the LORD.”
The relationship’s values need to be Godly and the perceptions of the other person need to be as
accurate as possible. Appropriate and healthy emotions will be the result. Spend time around each other’
s families, friends, church settings, and other real-life settings. Observe their actions, reactions,
decisions, emotions, and communications in these real-life settings. This will result in accurate and factual
information concerning the other person’s emotions and perceptions.
Summary
The selfless desire to benefit the other person by doing what is best is the second element in a journey
that will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story. The lad’s broken bread that fed thousands is an
illustration of selflessness benefiting the other person. The selfless action of the lad pleased Christ.
In a relationship with a member of the opposite sex, always keep their best interest in mind through the act
of selflessness. Selflessness needs to be based on Godly wisdom. Godly wisdom urges patience in a
relationship, pursues a purposeful relationship called courtship, and bases emotions and perceptions in
reality.
CHAPTER 4
COURTSHIP: HUMBLE EMBRACE OF COMMUNITY
Courtship needs the support and involvement of family, friends, pastors, and others. Proverbs 12:15
says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” The third
element in a journey that will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story is the humble embrace of
community.
Choosing a Team
Individuals desiring courtship that possibly leads to marriage need to develop a team. The team should
be made up of Godly individuals that can provide accountability, perspective into the relationship,
confirmation, and wisdom in discerning God’s will. The team can consist of parents, family members,
friends, pastors, and others.
Parents Make Good Teammates
Godly parents make good teammates because they can offer wisdom, guidance, honesty, prayer,
accountability, and their blessing on the relationship. God gave parents. Their God-given wisdom can be
cherished, appreciated, and honored (Exodus 20:12). The decision to heed parents’ wisdom honors God
(Proverbs 23:22-25). Ravi Zacharias states, “The chances are that if you marry somebody in violation of
your parents’ will, you are playing a high-stakes game as you enter the future. Any time you violate an
authority that has been put in place by God, you need to be twice as sure you are doing the right thing.”
Other Teammates
Some individuals are blessed with Godly parents. There are many individuals that have no relationship
with one or both parent. Either way, individuals pursuing courtship need other teammates. God promises
that He is a Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). He provides members of the body of Christ that can
participate as teammates.
A pastor, minister, grandmother, grandfather, mentor, friend, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, brother-in-law,
sister-in-law, Sunday school teacher, respective adult, and teacher can all be participants on the team.
These people should be Godly, filled with God-given wisdom, supportive, caring, and who dearly love at
least one individual involved in the relationship. Their participation should include as much day-to-day
insight as possible into the reality of the courtship. The teammates can see life from the outside and
provide honest suggestions that are healthy to each individual in the relationship. Proverbs 15:22 states,
“Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counselors they are established.”
Benefits of a Community of Teammates
Individuals in a courtship need encouragement and strength from their community of teammates. The
courtship is a commitment to explore the possibility of marriage. Three important things that a community
of teammates provides during courtship are: 1.) Sense of Reality; 2.) Protection; and 3.) Accountability.
Sense of Reality
A community of teammates provides a sense of reality. Courtship’s emotions and feelings can cloud the
accuracy of reality. One benefit of reality is an outside view of the relationship. If one or more teammates
notice an area of concern, then the matter can be addressed in an appropriate way. Another benefit of
reality is the real-life observations of each individual in the relationship. One-on-one time spent together
is good. This time does not accurately provide a picture of each individual. Balance the time spent in one-
on-one settings and settings with the teammates.
Time must be spent in the company of teammates in real-life settings. Theses settings can provide
observations into each other’s temperaments, abilities, behaviors, attitudes, and values. As time
progresses, each individual in the relationship can begin to get to know who each other really is. Ask
each teammate to provide reality checks, comments, suggestions, opinions, and counsel sessions as the
relationship moves forward towards the possibility of marriage.
Protection
A community of teammates can provide protection, especially for the woman. A woman tends to be more
vulnerable than a man. The woman involved in courtship needs to have Godly men in her life to protect
her from emotional abuse, physical abuse, mistreatment, and being with the wrong man. The male
teammates can serve as protectors, leaders, and encouragers.
Accountability
A community of teammates can provide accountability. Accountability challenges the individuals in the
courtship to live righteously, question certain actions, inquire about convictions, and not be deceived by
the heart. Jeremiah 17:9 states, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can
know it?”
The heart can be deceitful. Christian teammates can help a courtship remain sexually, mentally,
emotionally, and physically pure. They can ask questions: “How is your behavior?”; “What have the two
of you been doing lately?”; “Why are you spending so much time alone with each other?”; “Have you been
seeking the Lord in prayer and Bible reading on a daily basis?”; and “Does your actions honor and glorify
Christ?”
Outcome
The outcome of embracing and having a community of teammates can multiply the joy of the individuals in
the courtship. The joy can bring excitement and closeness to everyone involved. Each individual in the
courtship can be confident that they are obeying and honoring God. If the courtship leads to marriage,
then the wedding will be a shared celebration with teammates and attendees. The wedding will be a
wonderful memory that will be shared throughout the years and serve as an example to others.
Summary
Courtship needs the support and involvement of Godly family, friends, pastors, and others. These
individuals can serve as a community of teammates. The teammates can provide a sense of reality,
protection, and accountability during the courtship. The outcome of a community of teammates can be
joyful and God-honoring.
CHAPTER 5
COMMITMENT TO GUARD THE SACREDNESS OF SEX
Individuals involved in courtship need to view sex as a precious gift from God that is reserved for
marriage. They should seek to honor and glorify God with their bodies. The fourth element in allowing
God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story is the commitment to guard the sacredness of sex. Ephesians 5:3
says, “But fornication, and all uncleaness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as
becometh saints.”
“The One Rule”
Chastity means abstaining from sexual activity. One rule for Christians: “Total abstention from sexual
activity outside of marriage and total faithfulness inside marriage” (Proverbs 5 and 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:
2). This rule is not up for negotiation, discussion, or alteration.
Sexual desire is God-given and natural. Satan seeks to distort the sexual desire by deceiving individuals
into thinking that anything physically done outside the context of marriage feels good and is not bad. The
deception may be as follows, “God gave the sexual desire, so go ahead and give in to the desire. He will
understand. By the way, every one is doing it. You do not want to be the ‘only one’ to wait until marriage!
What will your friends say? What will your date think about you?” Many Christian individuals believe
Satan’s lie. They are without honor and dignity.
Consequence of Breaking “The One Rule”: Scarred Emotions
Emotions play a very important role in not abstaining from sexual activity. A Christian individual that
breaks “the one rule” will pay the consequence through their scarred emotions. Emotions can cause the
sin and then the emotions are scarred as a result of the sin.
King David is an example of suffering from emotional breakdown because of breaking “the one rule.” 2
Samuel 11-12 recalls the story of King David committing murder and adultery. Bathsheba was home alone
bathing while her husband Uriah was out fighting a battle. King David saw, starred, and lusted after
Bathsheba. His emotions took over. He committed adultery with Bathsheba, killed Uriah, lost the child
Bathsheba conceived, and was scarred for the rest of his life. Psalm 51 contains King David’s plea for
forgiveness, for cleansing, praise for forgiveness, and a broken heart. King David suffered greatly
because he listened to his emotions and broke “the one rule.”
Sexual sin is horrifying and breaks the heart of God. Once sexual sin has been committed, an individual
destroys the natural order of love. If sexual sin has been committed, then remorse should be felt.
Finding Forgiveness for Breaking “The One Rule”
Many Christians have broken “the one rule.” Some may ask the following questions: “Have I messed up
my life for good?”; “Does God still love me?”; “Can I ever be forgiven?”; and “Can I make a decision to
remain sexually pure from this moment on?” The answer to these questions is found in the cross of Christ.
Jesus Christ died on the cross for the sin of man. A Christian that accepts Christ into their heart and life
receive forgiveness of sin. No, life is not messed up for good (Jeremiah 29:11). Yes, God still loves His
child (2 Corinthians 5:17-18). Ask Christ to forgive against the sexually committed sin (1 John 1:9). Make
a decision, with Christ’s help and strength, to remain sexually pure until marriage (Philippians 4:13). Do
not hide the sin from Christ. Confess the sin, ask for forgiveness, and become white as snow. Repent
and turn from the sin. Christ can take the broken and shattered life and write a beautiful story because of
His perfect love (Luke 15:11-24).
Living a Sexually Pure Life
The first chapter of the book of James offers insight into temptation. A Christian striving to live a sexually
pure life needs to understand how temptation works. First of all, Satan makes temptation feel natural and
good (James 1:14). The lust of the eye, heart, emotions, and thoughts tempt a Christian to sin (James 1:
14-15). The eye is called the window of the soul. It can seduce a Christian. To avoid the eye’s seduction
trap, a Christian needs to train the eye to behold only things that are pleasing to Christ.
The eye can lead to the temptation of touch. A Christian needs to be cautious when touching a member
of the opposite sex, especially during courtship. Take the temptation of touch very seriously. The
courtship will bring about times when the two individuals are alone. Be careful that the temptation of touch
does not present a problem during the alone times. A good idea to think about is never be totally alone.
The individuals may spend time talking at each other’s house. Make sure that someone else is at the
house. Romans 13:13-14 states, “(13) Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and
drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. (14) But put ye on the Lord
Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”
Purity is not just about lustful thoughts, lustful actions, and inappropriate relationships. Purity is about
living a pure life with the presence of Christ indwelling a Christian. A Christian’s body is the temple of the
Lord. Christ paid the ultimate price for sin, death on the cross. A Christian is bought with a price, the
blood of Christ. Purity can be seen as glorifying God in body and spirit every second, minute, and hour of
every single day (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).
Summary
Individuals in a courtship need to make a commitment to guard the sacredness of sex until marriage. The
consequence of breaking the sacredness of sex is scarred emotions. A Christian that has given in to the
temptation of sex outside of marriage can find forgiveness only in the cross of Christ. Strive to live a
sexually pure life by understanding the lust of the eye, the temptation of touch, and the desire to glorify
Christ every single day.
CHAPTER 6
A DEEP SATISFACTION IN GOD
Christian individuals in a courtship need to each find a deep satisfaction in God. Each individual must
come to the realization that only God, not each other, can fill the deep desire of the soul’s longing for
satisfaction (1 Timothy 6:6). The fifth and final element in allowing God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story
is a deep satisfaction in God.
Complete in Christ
A Christian individual that seeks completeness in another person will become brokenhearted and empty.
Only Jesus Christ can complete a person. An individual needs to realize that he is a creation of God.
God made him the way he is. God created an individual’s physical makeup, mentality, voice, and soul.
The God of all things accepts an individual just the way he is. A Christian individual will never be
abandoned, betrayed, or rejected by Christ. Hebrews 13:5-6 states, “(5) Let your conversation be without
covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor
forsake thee. (6) So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do
unto me.”
The Importance of Prayer
Genesis 24 tells the story of Isaac and Rebekah. God had prepared Rebekah for the journey to meet
Isaac. She was content with her life and going about daily living. Isaac spent time meditating and praying
to God. He probably prayed for his wife-to-be, not knowing who she is or when she will arrive. Eliezer,
Abraham’s servant, was on his way back from his journey and was bringing Rebekah home to meet her
new husband Isaac. At even tide, Isaac went out to meditate and pray in the field. Rebekah’s first glimpse
of Isaac was seeing him pray.
A Christian individual needs to spend time every single day on his knees meditating and praying to God.
The prayer life is the key to communicating with God. Prayer to God builds character and honors Him.
Humility is demonstrated through prayer and a brokenness to genuinely allow God to shape and form an
individual. A Christian stands tall when he is on his knees in prayer before God.
Summary
A deep satisfaction in God, not in another individual, will bring completeness in a Christian’s life. Christ will
never leave or forsake His child. Spend time on the knees in prayer before God. This will allow a
Christian to stand tall.
CHAPTER 7
CONCLUSION
The purpose of this paper was to focus on a Christian’s journey that will allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind
love story. A variety of questions were explored. Questions such as “What does every single person long
for in life?”, “Does God want total control of a Christian’s love life?”, “How far is too far physically?”, and
“Why should a Christian allow God to write a-one-of-a-kind love story for them?”
The research intended to lead a Christian to allow God to write their love story according to His will and
way. Courtship between a Christian man and woman allows time for each individual to allow God to work
in their lives and explore the possibility of marriage. A Christian man and woman can allow God to write
their love story through studying God’s Word, being involved in a community of teammates, valuing the
sacredness of sex, and finding a deep satisfaction in God.
God desires to pen the one-of-a-kind love story. Prayerfully this research paper has provided insight into
doing just that, turning the love life over to God. If the courtship leads to marriage, the wedding can be a
wonderful memory that will be shared throughout the years.
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